About six months ago I posted on here when I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me.
You all told me to LTB. You were right - and I finally did it last month.
We were together 18 months - not long I know. But I'm 36 - and that is a big investment of my time when it feels like it is running out. I fell in love with him and he said he loved me. He lied to me the entire time, another girl was always on the scene. The extent to which he betrayed me and deceived me takes my fucking breath away.
I can't understand why he did it. He used me to feel better about himself. He knew he was wasting my time. He lied so, so, so much - right up until the very end.
I know people on here face such terrible trauma in their relationships - and this is just chicken feed. I know that. I know I am lucky in other ways. Such self pity - it's not cool and tomorrow will probably be a better day.
But I feel so desperately alone. I feel like I will never find love. I want to have a family and I can't believe I ever will.
I hate him. Tonight I am desperate to email him, not to start up contact, but just to tell him what he has done to me. He is off with no cares, no worries - he doesn't deserve it. I want him to know the result of his actions. I want to stop being the dignified one who just turns away and tries to get revenge by 'living well'. Is it so wrong to pour it all out to him so he sees how hurt and angry I am?
Well, yes. I am fairly sure contacting him is a bad idea. So for now I am posting on here. Sorry for the pity party.