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Original poster

unrealistic about dating post divorce with 2 children

15 replies

Herhonesty · 22/06/2014 20:43

currently in divorce proceedings with ex h. would like to think about or event poss start dating, but everything i read suggests little point as i have 2 dd, 1 and 5. will hopefully be financially independent, (work and will hopeful get decent maintenance from dh) but will any body "take us on"/ dont want to get into something if its just doomed to failure…

OP posts:
DirtySkirtings · 22/06/2014 21:35

What have you read?!

The point of dating, as I see it, is a bit of adult time to do some fun and interesting things with new people.

The way I see it, is if someone lovely comes my way and we decide to take it further towards a committed relationship, that's great. If not, at least I'm getting out and about and enjoying myself!

Canihaveonemoreslice · 22/06/2014 21:35

I wouldn't worry that having 2 children will stop you from dating. There are plenty of men with children themselves looking to date and also men without children. Just look on here and you'll see there's plenty of women with kids dating again.

I have two children and have recently started dating again. I've deliberately chosen men with kids as I thought they would understand my life a bit better than someone with no kids.

Sassy777 · 22/06/2014 22:38

I have 3 children aged 3, 5 and 7 and have recently started dating again and have had loads of interest! Mostly from men with kids of their own.

Get out there and have fun!

ladyblablah · 23/06/2014 00:09

You;ve been reading strange things.
You can date at any age in pretty much any situation.

But then again, dating is not "taking someone on". Are you clear what you want from a man?

Thrice · 23/06/2014 00:17

I remember back in the early 90s when my horrible mother smugly fake-horrified told me that her best friend was statistically more likely to get killed in some outlandish fashion (in a plane crash or by terrorists or something), than get remarried.

And maybe that was true - maybe - in that particular time and in that particular crowd. I'm not sure though as my MIL, same sort of age and background, separated from DH's father with two young children, one of whom was very disabled (still lives with her and always will, now in his 30s), was told she'd be alone forever...

and went on to have the absolute time of her life and has been with SFIL for 25 years - he's ten years younger too ;)

Moral of the story: nah. All my friends who are separated/divorced with kids are doing fine too. Nowadays, especially when you get to the sort of age where you've got children, everyone comes with 'complications'.

Oh and when I met DH I was a single mum, too!

Thrice · 23/06/2014 00:21

Though yeah, the idea of someone "taking you on" sounds a bit 1940s! You are an independant woman with a job and a life. Not saying you should fling yourself into online dating now, you'll need time to get over the divorce and concentrate on your kids, but LOADS of people are in blended families or just having fun while also being parents! My newly-single friend with 3 kids is out every weekend!

Iflyaway · 23/06/2014 00:27

Maybe you need to take time for you?

In divorce and desperate to be dating...

Why do you feel life is no good without a man in it?...

Only sets you up for bullshit men.

Kids come first.

NickiFury · 23/06/2014 00:34

Why do people refer to men as "taking on" a woman with dc as though they're a big, heavy sack of washing or something? It's so bloody negative. You'll never find anyone decent if you think of your situation so negatively and refer to it terms that indicate that he'd be doing you a massive favour.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/06/2014 08:13

Agreeing with PPs. How long have you spent in your adult life single without a boyfriend, partner or husband? It's normal to want companionship, affection and to share the work-load with someone ultimately, but the opportunity to be independent shouldn't be underestimated. Getting to know and like yourself is a great way to boost your confidence post a split. When you stop thinking of yourself and your DCs as a burden to be taken on, but see yourself as an asset that someone would be very lucky to have, then you'll have much higher standards about who you want to include in your life.

kentishgirl · 23/06/2014 11:10

Here's something on the 'women over 40 blah blah rubbish' www.snopes.com/science/stats/terrorist.asp

OP, look around you. There are new families and couples and all sorts of arrangements happening all the time where there are children for one or both of the couple. It's a very old-fashioned view you've been listening to.

I'll be honest here and hold my hands up - personally I would not have got involved with a full time single parent (despite being one myself for a number of years). I don't want to be a fulltime step mother or be that involved in raising someone else's kids. I'm not capable of that. But that's just me, and there are plenty of people who feel differently.

scaredyMumof3 · 23/06/2014 11:18

I also don't like the term "taking on someone with kids" (I paraphrase) ...it's so negative

I was a single mum Of one when i met dh, he was the lucky one Wink

I also have plenty of friends who had been single mums then re married or had new relationships so don't worry!

Original poster
Herhonesty · 23/06/2014 21:01

i'd like to meet someone without children, i suppose that is the bit i am perhaps a little over optimistic about. I'd like to meet someone else, i dont (personally) feel its too soon, i think because i have felt lonely and operated independently for the last few years in my marriage in any case. I also just want to have some fun and feel a little appreciated! perhaps it is too early.

OP posts:
moonfacebaby · 23/06/2014 22:09

I met my DP when I had a 1 year old & a 7 year old. He's not got kids either........

Been with him for 18 months now & he's lovely.

I really thought that I wouldn't meet anyone but I did. Don't know if we'll ever live together but if we do, that's a fair way off.

I'm lucky to have him but at the same time, I think he's lucky to have me too & my kids in his life. I consider myself a bloody good catch despite being a single parent, at the ripe old age of 42.

Either take some time to yourself & enjoy being on your own for a while or just start dipping your toes into dating - see how it goes?

moonfacebaby · 23/06/2014 22:11

And I only did online dating for a bit of fun too....it actually really boosted my confidence too. Didn't expect to meet a man that I had such a strong connection with!

getthefeckouttahere · 24/06/2014 02:12

Oh thrice let me reassure you. I really only dated women with kids. I had bad experiences with a couple of women who didn't have kids but have always found that people who do have them just 'get' what life with 2 young kids is like. Loads of blokes think like me too.

Oh and please raise yr bar!!! Take you on??!!!! Any person should see it as an honour to be involved in the lives of their partners kids!! Take them on??? Fuck that!!

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