not sure what to do about this..

[outtodinner02]

had to name change for this, sorry.
I have been divorced for over a year now, not looking back etc.
I have met a nice man, we have quite a lot in common and get on well. Neither of us are spring chickens but are healthy and reasonably fit. We like spending time together and he ia very good with the hugs but this is where it all stops.
He says he has performance issues, he had a few problems before and now his confidence has been hit big time. But he doesnt even try, despite having taken viagra etc. I get no passion from him. I have asked if it is me, he says no, but i feel if he were really attracted to me he wouldnt have an issue.
I dont know what to do, but I cant live a life without sex or feeling desired by the one person thats supposed to!
I have told him this and told him how attractive I find him and want him to touch me, but it doesnt seem to have made any difference. He said he wants to have a full relationship but nothing changes. And there is only so many times I can say the same thing.
Would ED have these effects, being attracted to someone or not?
To some degree I feel I am being used for the company, but not have a proper relationship.
Arghh!

Yes, I think you are being used. It's possibly not with any evil intent - but: he is getting what he wants (presumably!) - you are not. He is fobbing you off.

I would finish the 'relationship'.

How long have you been seeing him Out?

Walk away.
If it was important he would deal with it.

I have been seeing him 6 months.
Pagwatch I hadnt thought of it like that..

I thought I had found a really good man, and in many ways he is but this is more like a good friend than anything else...

I'm sorry outtodinner, but that is how I would look at it.

I understand the hope that this is 'the one' but people are clear when they act rather than when they speak iyswim.

Are you sure he's not gay?

I thought it might have been something that would resolve itself when he felt more settled with you IUSWIM. But I think after 6 months that would have happened. It sounds like he would make better friend than partner.

I also wondered about the gay thing..how can you tell? I realise this is possibly a stupid question but not one I have ever had to deal with before!
I have been talking to a close friend and she feels counselling may be needed for him, its too big a problem for me to deal with.
what a bugger! such a nice man!

He may be one of those people for whom sex just doesn't matter or appeal. They if exist. Or he might be gay and unable/unwillingly to come to terms with that. The point is that you can't live like he can so the relationship is pretty much doomed I'd say.

Oops. They DO exist. Sorry for typo.

He's your friend. Your companion. Nothing more. Its like that song "A Fine Romance"

".......A Fine Romance, with no kissing....."

Wouldn't be enough for me at any age, tbh.

thatsmells, I think he is one of those people, he says he rarely thinks about sex but is aware that other men do and talk about it a lot and wishes he could just be normal.
I feel very sad about it, hes such a good man, good to my kids n they like him but...! We are living only half a life I feel. I dont want to be jumping into bed every night with him, but even once a week would be good! Trouble is because its such a propblem for him its becoming a propblem for me and I now begin to feel like any effort made would be forced because he felt he had to.