Not being listened to

[db86]

Im 4 months pregnant with my first child, my partner and i have just bought a house and waiting to move into it. We've been together for 2 1/2 years.
The problem is we got a dog 7 months ago, i didn't particularly want to get a dog as im not really a pet person but when my partner wants something, that's that he has to get it regardless of what anybody else thinks.
Generally the dog's well behaved but recently the dog has become more aggressive, for example he stole some chicken bones from the bin and when my partner went to get them back he growled and went to bite, this has been happening more often.
Obviously im not a massive fan of the dog in the first place but i 've done my part but now i've told my partner that the dog has to go, i dont want to be worrying about a dog when im at home on maternity leave. I want to concentrate on my newborn child.
He thinks i'm a drama queen and its any excuse to get rid of the dog!
It really irritates me that it seems like everybody else looks after the dog plays with it and feeds it, and he really doesn't have much responsibility but it so adamant that the dogs staying.
Am i being a drama queen, how can i work with this stubborn behavior?

I honestly don't know what to suggest. I think it's really sad for the dog and for both of you. I have to say that somebody doing a huge thing like buying a dog without my consent would make me very unhappy. I think I'd have insisted on the dog not staying there and then - I accept that you probably wanted to keep the peace.

The issue now and what makes me sad is how hard finding a home for the dog will be.

But this surely is about more than a dog if partner does just as he pleases?

I'm sorry but you need to rehome the dog. You simply cannot risk any aggression with a baby xx

Sounds like you're in ultimatum territory sadly .... the dog goes or you do.... and then follow through. You say he steamrollered you into having the horrible thing in the first place and that his general attitude is that he gets what he wants. When faced with a selfish bully there are no half-measures. It's not being a 'drama queen' to stand up for yourself or to be worried about having an aggressive dog in a home with a new baby. When you say 'everybody else' looks after the dog etc do you mean you do all the work or is there someone else involved?

Thanks for your reply. Yes i kind of guess it is more about him doing just what he pleases, i don't really have a push over personality, in fact it's quite the opposite but as you mature i thought life was more about compromising but it just feels like i'm doing all the compromising.
And it really is about the dog too, it really stresses me out!

I agree with yoyo. If the dog is showing aggression towards your partner then there is no way I would keep it around a baby. I would explain this to your partner as to why the dog must be rehomed.

Hi CogitoErgoSometimes, there is we currently live with his mom while our house is being done up.
Normally i wouldn't think twice about leaving but i'd really like to at least come up with some sort compromise/solution...
so i'm not sure

If you're doing all the compromising the relationship is far too one-sided and that can lead onto bullying if it isn't happening already. When you have your baby you'll be more vulnerable to this kind of 'won't take no for an answer' behaviour so it's even more important to make a stand now and not cave.

And what if the baby tries to take something off it? If it attacks your baby you will get made to have the dog put down. Has he thought about it from that point of view?

Has he always been this selfish?

Yes but inadequate men like your man do like (outwardly at least) strong and feisty women to punish them and ultimately drag down with them. That is what he is really doing here with you.

I think his attitude over the dog is symptomatic of other problems within your relationship generally, the dog is not the only issue here. This man is not respecting you at all and calls you a "drama queen" when it was his idea to have a dog in the first place. You probably at that time thought he would not take full responsibility for it and saw it as a fad on his part.

If he is like this with regards to a dog, what is he going to be like when your child is actually born?. You'll end up likely doing all the childcare stuff as well. Does this person actually ever admit to making any mistakes, probably not.

"i'd really like to at least come up with some sort compromise/solution..."

Of course you would, but he's not interested in compromise. He trashes your opinion, calls you a 'drama queen' rather than accept your fears, and bullies through what he wants at the expense of anyone else. That's why you have to present an ultimatum and be prepared to carry it out.

Abusive behaviour often gets worse with the arrival of the first child. You've not known this man all that long.....

He's not interested in compromise; its his way or no way as far as he is concerned.

His mother will back him as well due to her own loyalties.

I think you're absolutely right to insist the dog goes. You cannot have an aggressive dog in the same house as a child without running the risk of something terrible happening.

However, I think you've got bigger problems than the dog.

So i guess it comes down to the crunch then!
Meh...just as i thought.
Thanks for the opinions & thoughts