Argument with DP last night - would like your opinions

[keysinmypocket]

Last night I had a big argument with my DP. It seems really about not very much and I don't know if I was being massively unreasonable and over reacting but there is other stuff going on too which may have contributed to my reaction.

It started with DP giving me a foot rub on the sofa, he then moves his hands up to my lady parts - I wasn't in the mood so move his hand away. He continues with foot rub for a short period of time then stops, gets a book out and starts reading it. I got upset because I felt like I should have a foot rub without it having to lead to sex and felt it came across as a bit passive aggressive and sulky. I get quite annoyed so get up, get my things together and wanted to leave. In the end I didn't.

I am quite hormonal at the moment - my period is due the end of this week and there is also a chance that I could be pregnant as me and DP had unprotected sex about a week ago. He has been super broody for ages, asking if we could start a family asap and has even thought of names etc. Every time for quite awhile before sex he would ask if we could have it unprotected as he wanted to get me pregnant. However the other day he was saying how now that we could potentially have one on the way he doesn't "want a fucking kid right now" that it would be terrible as he is about to start a new position at work and that he really hopes that I'm not pregnant etc.

I think the foot rub thing could have been a catalyst as I am quite stressed out.

Thanks for reading.

He told you he loved you very early in the relationship and has been pressurising you to reciprocate? Then he wanted to impregnate you but now he doesn't want a child?

RUN AWAY! Just run, please. Too many red flags.

I always try to take these posts at face value because I HAVE been there and done that and been young with such low self-esteem and such a penchant for drama that I think on some level I subconsciously sought out giant walking red flags. OP, I got pregnant at a bad time by a bad person and I really really don't recommend it.

What does JK stand for anyfucker?

It means you a re an episode of Jeremy Kyle waiting to happen op.
And I agree with AF :(

Considering this relationship is fairly new, it sounds like it's moved super fast! Just from reading what you have wrote, I don't think this relationship will go the distance. You both don't sound compatible at all & there's already issues surfacing between you both.

As for this comment:
(we usually use condoms but occasionally we won't and use the withdrawal method)
I'm gobsmacked. How old are you? Please, DO NOT, get pregnant. If you are immature enough to believe him pulling out before ejaculating will not get your pregnant you have so much to learn before being responsible for another human being.

Also, have you heard of the pill? Coil? Injection? .... Just putting other 'non-condom' ideas out there ....

You need to sit down and have a proper spreadsheets and finances talk about babies I think.

finances talk .. It sounds like they both still need the sexual education talk never mind financial talks.

Oh dear Lord....

This is not a relationship that is not secure and steady enough to bring a baby into - nowhere near. It might seem very romantic and super dramatic at the moment (I presume you are both quite young?), but any babies you conceive do not deserve to be brought into a world that is not secure and loving.

If you are determined to stay with this loser man, then FGS don't even think of getting pregnant. Get yourself on the pill/coil/implant, and spend the next couple of years getting to know him, finish your studies, get a career going, - then decide if you want to marry him or move in with him permanently, and then bring a baby into the world when things are far, far better than they sound at the moment.

If you think you might be pregnant, go and buy a test and find out. Then if you are, you can book a very early termination. Do that tomorrow.

Never, ever, ever have unprotected sex again if you are not quite sure that both of you want a baby very much indeed. I would say never have sex of any sort with this man again ever, , but I suspect you won't listen.

'It would be quite disastrous for me tbh if I was pregnant now as I am in the middle of studying and want to finish it before contemplating having a child.'

• but this guy doesn't give a fuck about that, about your right to control your own future and decisions, does he? -

'Actually the time that "it" happened, he just did it inside me without pulling out without asking me (we usually use condoms but occasionally we won't and use the withdrawal method) and he said afterwards that we both wanted it.'

If you don't dump this trainee abusive, selfish and controlling, and most of all utterly PIGSHIT THICK bloke then you are in for a thoroughly miserable time.

DUMP DUMP DUMP.

I'm sure I'm old enough to be your granny, but I am still frightened of AIDS and have known too many people who have died of it, including a truck driver as well as my suburban middle-aged cousin and his wife.

I know HIV treatment has improved a lot, but who wants to have a severe medical condition and have to take strong drugs for the rest of their life, if they can help it?

What are you thinking of, OP, having sex without a condom?

You do understand that you are not passive in this, don't you?

If you don't want a child that is your choice. You can choose that - it's fine.

You don't have to be at the whim of an 'ooooh wouldn't a baby be nice/ no way do I want a fucking kid' arse.

Or is he in charge?

The comment after the unprotected sex was vile. Really vile.

Did any close friend or family member have a baby recently? It is not uncommon for immature and egoccentric people to want immediately a baby when a close friend or brother has one when in fact they don't want a baby.

You are in control of whether or not you get pregnant, no one else; get a coil or implant put in asap and stop being silly with regard to contraception.

Your boyfriend does not sound very consistent, are you actually made happy by him, or do you just feel grateful that someone is so besotted with you?

Please don't let him manipulate or dictate the relationship, you should be equal. Get rid, enjoy the rest of your time studying and move on without him.

As you haven't been together long, either he just wants unprotected sex and is using the baby line as an excuse, or he wants to get you pregnant and controlled quickly. Both are equally dismal signs.

Ejaculating inside you without permission is disgusting behaviour, and saying you both 'wanted it' puts him in Robin Thicke territory.

Run as fast as your legs will carry you OP.

Oh dear. I would be taking the morning after pill and having a coil fitted immediately as well as using condoms

I hate it when people say "withdrawal method". It's not a "method" of birth control. He pulled out, that is all. When he pulls out, you still have per-ejaculate to deal with, which can include sperm (there's debate about how much), so could have got pregnant at any time.

Aside from all that, i agree with others. Foot rub is a non-issue. The other stuff is a bit weird and would have me feeling uncomfortable.

He has been really broody for ages even though you haven't been together long? Do you not realise that's not normal - coupled with the I love you crap. He clearly has big issues which are just waiting to screw up you and any future kid...

Just grow up.

Oh dear! This all sounds like a disaster. OP, surely you can see what a ridiculous situation you are in. You have to start thinking about what you are doing and trying to be a bit more sensible.

You don't want to get pregnant but are using the withdrawal method. that's just daft. Why would ypu do that?

You need to take some responsibility for yourself, your 'new' BFisnt going to.

So moving in together is a long way off? But making a baby together is ok? Why are you having unprotected sex with this immature idiot?

Disaster waiting to happen.

You're still studying so don't want a baby, you haven't been together long, your relationship isn't great, he wants a baby one minute and then doesn't want a 'fucking kid' the next???

Any one of these things would mean don't have unprotected sex with this man.

You need to get yourself on some birth control, asap. And I think you should ditch him, too. (Not because of the foot rub thing, because of everything else - he is a selfish, immature arsehole.)

If you don't, you will be a single mother in a couple of years' time. I'd put money on it.

So moving in together is a long way off? But making a baby together is ok? Why are you having unprotected sex with this immature idiot?

Also this.

A baby with someone you have only known a short while? Great idea. Time to make some grown up decisions I think. Don't be surprised if he questions that he is the father next and demands a DNA test.

What on earth are you doing relying on the withdrawal method with a man who says he wants to get you pregnant and secondly has already failed to do so without consulting you first?

Protect yourself and get some birth control. Grow up and act like an adult.