Did you ever regret leaving your marriage?

[CuddleTheBear]

If the decision was really hard to make, how hard / easy was it to cope with the grief knowing the decision to split was yours?

Did you ever get back together?

I don't want to give details but I am a namechanger who has posted here before.

Bump

Yes.

Wellerum - is that yes you regretted it? Do you mind if I ask why, and did you get back together?

Sadly we didnt. We separated as I went a bit nuts (looking back, obviously didnt think that at the time). He found someone else, I desperatwly wanted him back and still miss him.

of course this may well be unusual - definitely gwt out of abusive marriages etc...

Wellerum, sorry for the questions and do feel free to ignore, but... what were your reasons for separating? Have you found any happiness now despite still missing him? Did you have DC and did they stay with you?

No I don't, it was and still is the right decision for my dc and myself. I am still single and struggling financially but I would not change anything. My marriage was deeply unhappy and it was slowly destroying me.

Yes regretted it bitterly but thankfully we found a way back to eachother after 3 months apart.

This is not really a topic that benefits from canvassing opinion because it is deeply personal and individual. All I can say to you is that I've been the dump-er and the dump-ee and I would take the former every time. If you believe ending the relationship is the right thing to do and you have the courage of your convictions then there should be very little to feel guilty about, even if you regret that the relationship went wrong in the first place. Being rejected, by contrast, is nothing except shit.

Yes. We got back together and remain very happy.
I needed some time apart as I could not see clearly at the time. I realised I loved him and our problems were able to be resolved.

If you are stuck in appalling ambivalence read, 'Too Good to Leave too Bad to Stay' by Mira Kirshenbaum or 'The Passion Paradox' (sometimes also called 'The Passion Trap'.

I wasted years in ambivalence making myself and others unhappy. Sometimes making any clear decision is better than making the 'right' one.

Nope. I still sometimes have a little happy moment where I realise I'm not married to him any more, and I left him well over ten years ago. But it was pre-kids which makes everything a whole lot simpler.

yep after 3 years..and then got back together after 5 months. Celebrating our 29th anniversary today

God l must be old ....

No I don't regret it. I left after his affair.

Looking back it was the end of the world and I hid away in a little bubble for a year and mourned.

But now I can see that although he did have an affair we had grown apart and he became someone I wouldn't want to spend my life with. Not for any particularly horrible reason but his need for control, excessive tidyness and lack of spontaneity has grown and grown and I know I would be deeply unhappy if we were still together. We are no longer compatible at all and sometimes I look at him and don't know him at all although we were together for 15 years.

Not for a second. Kicked him out a year ago today

Should have done it years ago. The marriage was destroying me. The scales are still falling from my eyes. Revelations keep coming. I still have a lot of 'work' to do to process why I stayed so long. But I still feel like Ive just been set free from captivity!

Yes I did for many years... I think I had some kind of breakdown when I ended the marriage (we had huge stresses at the time) .. I can't really remember much about how I felt as it's all kind of a numb blur. I just wish I'd have thought more about my marriage & realised i needed him & not pushed him away...
7 years down the line we are on ok terms & I defiantly know we couldn't be together now but I do still wish we were.

Yes.

I was stupid. Things are a thousand times worse now with second dh. I didn't think. Things weren't perfect but exh and I were friends. We had lots in common and got on.

Although sometimes I think I look back with rose tinted glasses as my second marriage is so awful.

Nope

Not for one second.

I dreamt one night that I was still with him and woke up thinking I was. All that fear and dread and misery. Then I realised it was a dream, and it all lifted away :)

My only regret is that I didn't leave sooner. The dcs are so much happier now too.