all of my relationships have been abusive...my first husband was violent he broke my nose 2 times. My partner after that was controlling and I couldn't do anything on my own...i would be timed when I left the house ...I have had to abandon my trolley in supermarkets because I was running out of time...The next one took abuse to a completely new level...He would punish me by making me sleep on the floor- he controlled everything, what I ate, who I saw, when I could sleep, what I could wear, he once led me on my knees by twisting my ear to the fridge because a yoghurt had gone past its sell by date(that is much more painful than it sounds)...They are only the examples I feel comfortable about sharing...He was a consultant psychiatrist and knew exactly how to bugger up my head...I spent a month in a psychiatric unit when that came to an end...., my most recent ex was lovely compared to all of that...but he has exploited me financially he paid for the bare minimum...All of his wages were his pocket money and he encouraged me to buy him things that I couldn't afford..lots of things and lots of money.
I know on an intellectual level where my vulnerabilities come from. I was abused by a relative as a child and my parents didn't believe me ( it is easy to tell you this but in RL I wouldn't be able to) ...I was in group psychotherapy before I started my last relationship and I believed I had moved past my history....but obviously not....if somebody needs something I could give them emotionally or physically I am completely incapable of saying no...its not even that they have to ask....I absolutely and utterly feel that it is my responsibility to meet their needs....I have so many animals and people relying on me ....I can't tell you how many strays , human and animal , that I have taken responsibility for... I haven't told my closest friends about my history...I don't know why I think it's okay to post here..I just do....