Have you heard of the term Ex-itis?

[SoleSource]

Obsessing, analyzing the behaviour of your ex?
I am guilty of this and six years on I am still not totally over what he did to me. I feel I lacked a lot of power in that relationship, I let him use me. He was a cock lodger! in my home!!

Then the sex stopped and he went off with someone else, he had been with her all along but she was overseas and he used me whilst she was gone!!

I was vulnerable and easy prey, I'm scared I might allow that to happen again. I do come across as a bit desparate and needy with guys, because my life is empty and I'm bored and lonely. I'm not a bunny boiler and am aware of how I am etc and sometimes I act this way to amuse myself. But sometimes i panic at the start of new friendships as I fear the person will leave. I need to change this.

I still see cars that are the same as my ex's and look to see f he is driving. I still think about the awful betrayal, lies and trouble he brought to my home!! I was frightened of him. He promised us a holiday, he would cook and clean. we'd laugh hard together, sex was almost like love making but I couldn't fully let go and show him or tell him of my feelings as my gut screamed LIAR but I was too weak to let him go.

I was with ex scumbag for sixteen months.

Has Ex-itis ever happened to you or anybody you know?

How did you stop thinking about the past guy?
I know what I need to do, Just fully let go, I;d say I was 80% there :)

So do you have no physical or financial ties to him at all?

None whatsoever.

Do you live so close that it's inevitable you see him? How often do you see him?

I found, after my 12 year relationship broke down, that the feelings you describe above were in direct proportion to the amount of free time I had on my hands. The more occupied I was and the more absorbed in work or social activities, the less thought I gave the ex. However I didn't panic with new friendships. In the bad old days the thing I feared most was being alone or getting dumped. So having got dumped, been alone and survived the experience I decided it held no more fears for me. In fact I went on a bit of a 'love 'em and leave 'em' spree to reassert control.

Six years is a long time to waste. Hope you start to believe in yourself soon

Seen him about ten times, he approached me to chat twice, I told him he hurt me and he grinned. I ran off.

Friends in the past have dumped me by text or just stopped contacting me because of frostiness between us. Around the same time ex left. We were unsuited as friends anyway. I felt I didn't get closure but ex did come back and say goodbye. I;;m scared of making friendships. I tend to find people who want mre from me than I can give. I have disappeared from a friends life recently, she is too much!!

You'e right Cogito x

It sounds as though there is more going on than purely a preoccupation with someone from your past. Being scared of making friendships is a sad statement and that fear of rejection, together with the idea that you are 'easy prey'. suggests that your confidence is unusually low generally. What do you do to boost your confidence? What in your life makes you proud?