Is it OK to block xx calls and texts and give an email address instead?

[libidogo]

I can't deal with crap over texts anymore. He says awful hurtful stuff and I'm struggling big time with it all. He's now saying I am uncontactable and I am putting dc at risk. I know he will not use the email address and so if there is an emergency he can blame it on me. I'm so low I'm struggling with my depression and life in general. I'm spaced out and feeling very weird. Thanks

Since email is another way to read what he has written, could you block his calls and ask that he only text you?

If you know he won't email at all and it's in the interests of the DC to be in contact, I'd rather communicate via text than through a conversation.
Is that a possibility?

It's perfectly OK. This man has no right to contact with you. If he is abusive, you can cut him off completely and make any necessary communication happen via email which is read by someone else first.

While a court would generally order contact between him and his children to take place (unless it can be shown that he is a danger to them) they can't insist that you speak to or see him if you don't want to, and communicating via email is regarded as perfectly reasonable.

Oh, and save the abusive texts and report them to the police. He can be charged with harassment and you can get court orders to make him leave you alone, as well.

It is only through text really that he contacts me. I just get a sick feeling every time I see a text on my phone. Surely if I give him a method of contact that should be enough? I don't know what I'm doing. All over the place and panicking.

If he refuses to use email, he can go and fuck himself. HIs intention is to harass the OP, not build a relationship with his children. It's important not to obey abusive men when they are being difficult on purpose.

Libidogo, get on to WOmen's Aid for help and support. This man can be put in his place. He's just a bully. Well done for dumping him in the first place.

Thanks SGB. Yes he is abusive. He ties me up in knots until I feel I'm going mad. He tells me I'm useless all the time and while I know he's an arsehole it's wearing me down after all these years of the same shit. The plan is to let dp screen emails for me. I have access to emails on my phone so can respond in an emergency anyway.

I had women's aid counselling when we first split and they were good so I will contact them again. I feel like I am living under the shadow of someone who hates me and wants to persecute me.

Get a cheap PAYG phone just for him and get your DP to check it once a day. That way you're contactable but he won't be popping up on your REAL phone. I've had to do this in the past.

he only needs to contact you if he has the children and theres a problem however this type of person wont want that and wants to get a reaction from you no matter what. Don't let him have it, they eventually give up but sometimes need another focus.

There is nothing he can do to make you answer or read his texts and calls., You do not have to speak to him. No matter how much he huffs and puffs, he has no legal right to communicate with you in any way. The courts are only interested in the children's need for a relationship with their father; no adult can be forced to engage with another adult.
If your DP is happy to check messages for you then that's fine. Just stonewall this pathetic man and ignore him. His opinion doesn't matter - keep repeating that to yourself. He is a loser, and an unimportant loser at that.

Thanks everyone. I am now awaiting the inevitable backlash because he won't take this. He was threatening to tell dc new school that I have chosen to be uncontactable. This won't be the end of it. He can use the house phone to speak to dc but just not my mobile. I will think about a cheap PAYG. Just can't face reading the lies about me.

But there is still nothing he can do to force you to speak to him. And him telling the school that you have 'chosen to be uncontactable' will make him look like a cock - you are just rejecting contact from him.

You, on the other hand, can report him to the police for persistent harassment, and he could even be arrested if he doesn't stop pestering you. It is entirely reasonable and acceptable for a woman who has left an abusive man to restrict his contact with her to email only and no court will order her to listen to him or interact with him - a court will in fact make an order for him to cease harassing her.