No sex drive after having baby

[Flissity83]

My baby is 8 months now and we have probably only had sex about twice since the birth. I just can't bring myself to do it and when we have it's been uncomfortable or I've freaked out. Is this normal? Will it change? He says he's ok with it but I know he's not.

I don't think it's normal per se, but I think it probably affects a number of women. Giving birth can be pretty traumatising. You may want to consider seeing a counsellor to discuss how you are feeling. I'm sure this happens more often than people realise. Good luck, that must be a horrible feeling xxx

I think disruption to your sex life is normal after having a baby. It takes more effort to get into the mood because of tiredness etc.

My personal experience is it never is how it was pre children but a new sort of pattern emerges iyswim. Like a new sex routine.

I think the men can get frustrated because they don't understand the impact of the tiredness and tears or changes to our bits and how it can upset us.

Don't think I was helpful there!

Maybe someone else has a better perspective

How was the birth? if it was traumatic, or took a while to recover from its understandable things will take a while to get back to normal. Are you still stressed about how it went, do you think some couselling about it would help?

Also are you breast feeding (or were you when you tried to have sex) as for some this can affect desire and how it actually feels.

Is your OH pressurising you at all, pressure to get on with it, will obviously not help you feel relaxed and in the mood. If you feel ready to try, could you arrange a sitter for the evening/night so you can enjoy a meal together and slowly see what happens?

Thank you for replying. I think you're right about counselling. I was offered it but turned it down. It was a pretty traumatic birth. I'm still not over it. He's not putting any pressure on me but I can tel it's getting him down. Does the tiredness from having children ever go?

The tiredness never goes but you learn to cope. Be kind to yourself.

The tiredness does go. The first year is such a shock to the system even without a traumatic birth to deal with. I found once DC turned one-ish and started having more reliable, timeable naps and settling into a bedtime we had a little more time to ourselves and our relationship picked up. The first year is hard.

But yes, if part of your discomfit with having sex feels as if it relates to the birth then it might be worth asking if there is someone you could talk to?

I would defiantly look into counseling, maybe your doctor can refer you.

I carried on taking multivitamins for a while after the birth - I think the extra iron helped with tiredness (I tended to have low iron pre preg). But I think tiredness really depends on the baby and your OH pulling his weight, it got better for us after the first couple of months. We've always made sure we each get one full nights sleep a week, normally at least a 4 hr block and a nap the other nights.

Could you do safe foreplay so you both know it's not leading to 'full' sex but still helping to build the closeness in your relationship back up.