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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He's carrying on as normal. Following the pattern.

10 replies

confusion77 · 20/06/2014 23:04

I posted a month ago about my husband and how he is/things are. I was desperate at the time, but as usual, things blew over and moved on. Until wednesday when the whole sorry cycle started again.

Except this time was different. For me. I didn't let him take control. I told him I could not cope with his behaviour and that I think he has a MH problem. He didn't take it well.

Two days on he is following the same pattern as usual. Ignores me. Laughs excessively at the tv. Takes long baths.

I am sooo past this poiny. Why has he not even noticed my 'stand'? I told him things have to change because I wilk not put up with his constant criticism of me, finding fault, obsessiveness, hoarding etc. He told me he didn't care and he doesn't have a problem. I told him if things don't change we are done.

The pattern is he ignores for a few days. Is absent. Then just goes back to normal.

I am at the stage now where i think that if he does acknowledge that he has a problem, its too late.

I need to stay strong. I feel sorry for him but spy a better life alone.

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 20/06/2014 23:16

He's not going to acknowledge that he has a problem. because as far as he's concerned there is no problem. He doesn't think you matter.
Make your plans to leave/throw him out. Follow them through.
If you think there is any danger, enlist help. Good luck.

Fairenuff · 20/06/2014 23:18

I told him if things don't change we are done.

Well, things haven't changed, so where does that leave you?

confusion77 · 20/06/2014 23:26

No danger. It leaves me, well still thinking we are done.

I'm sure if I should give him the chance/time? I haven't been very good at communicating and i think this may have come as a shock.

I'm finding it very difficult. Normally i wait for him to cone round. But now I'm just wishing he would go and give me some space.

OP posts:
confusion77 · 20/06/2014 23:26

I'm not sure...

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/06/2014 23:29

Are you going to "follow the same pattern" too ?

It seems like if you will, he will

Someone has to break the stalemate or this is your life forever

It's going to have to be you I am afraid. Do it, or don't.

Fairenuff · 20/06/2014 23:30

If you say if things don't change you are done, then you need to stick to it. Otherwise, what is the point in saying it? He will just think you don't mean what you say. And he would be right.

Hissy · 20/06/2014 23:32

We're here. You know what you have to do.

Deep breath...

confusion77 · 20/06/2014 23:41

God I bloody thought saying it was enough! I never have before. I fully expected him to be in agreement that he had 'issues' as he has hinted at it before. So his deniel threw me for a minute but actually just clarified things. For me. I do mean it. Hes going to make me force the issue isn't he.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/06/2014 23:43

Yes, he is.

confusion77 · 20/06/2014 23:51

Ah bollocks. I will get the strength from somewhere. I can't believe how i have changed.

OP posts:
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