How to switch off

[HellesBellesThinksSometimes]

I divorced 11 years ago and, since then, I have had a couple of quite casual relationships that ended at the point where they became too serious.

To be honest, I had accepted that I would never fall for anyone again. I also became get used to the idea that I would probably remain single given how long I had spent without strong feelings for anyone and the upset that caused in both of those relationships.

I have worked in the same company as a man for over a year and saw him as a pleasant coworker. In the past few weeks, I have felt ridiculously strong feelings for him. Sexual and emotional. I have trembled, physically trembled, just passing him and hearing his voice.

I have absolutely no cause to believe my interest would be reciprocated and I am unwilling to cause problems for myself professionally by pursuing this man. So, while it is quite a relief that I have romantic feelings again, this has to stop. I cannot avoid him, we work together. What else can I do to get past this? Any ideas, please?

Wink at him?

( I'm biased, sat next to ex co worker right now. 1 baby and twin pregnancy on the way, I'm very glad I let him know how I felt )

Could you put subtle feelers out op? One way or another you could get resolution. If it's not reciprocated you can move on, no harm done. If it is it's a hell of a lot of fun

( assuming he's not married, if he Is then no no no)

Oh no, single. He's definitely single.

Go for it then

Again, though, I do not wish to pursue this for many reasons. I just need some way to get past these feelings.

What I mean is, though I very much would prefer to resolve these feelings by entering a relationship with this man, I know it's not a good idea.

1. My life is so full of commitments that I do not know when we could see each other and I know he has several out - of - work commitments too.
2. We live 20 - odd miles apart, I live rurally and he does not have a car.
3. I am not in a good financial position to start a relationship.
4. This sounds ridiculous but I have a false tooth which puts me off getting involved with someone because of that scary first time they see me without it.
5. Because he will probably say no.
6. Because other colleagues might find out (whether he says yes or no) and mock this.
7. Because I am scared of committing my heart to someone again.

This is terrifying for me after so many years of being alone.

Except, the thing is, I do want to know if he could be interested even though there is no reason to think that he is interested. Even though there are loads of reasons not to be interested.

OP, all these contradictory feelings are so usual when you ar strongly attracted. I do find it unusual that it suddenly 'switched on' after not being attracted to him for months. I hope it's not some hormonal ups and downs you're going through!
If you just want to know whether he's interested - well, does he initiate contact often? And when he sees you, does he look happy? I know it's simplistic, but if someone is attracted they can't hide that they enjoy your company, even if pretending it's friendly. Unless je is an extra cool type - but then he'd try to be near you still as much as possible, just no obvious flirting.

Beagles he is friendly. He has stopped me to discuss random things a couple of times - his new coffee mug, for example.
It's not that I did not find him attractive before but it was in a sort, "if I was looking for a fella, someone like you would be ideal" kind of a way. As in, I didn't want a relationship with anyone.
I initially thought it could be some sort of hormonal imbalance. The weird thing is that the only time I do not feel this longing for him is when I am with him. Surely I should feel worse when he's around? Instead I feel very calm but happy. I feel like I've regressed to being a teenager and it is all so silly that I don't want to talk to friends (all in relationships) about it.

OP, I think you shouldn't discount possibilities - sounds to me like get on and he definitely likes you, also as with most people, he sense that you are happy and content in his company and that will attarct him by itself too. I don't think you can just get rid of these feelings if you constantly see him. So it's either changing the job, ot possibly giving him a chance? you don't need to initiate any relationships, but if he shows initiative, why not give it a chance? If he doesn't, well then your crush will subside in time, you just have to grin and bear, happens to all of us.

But I get a sense that he may ask you out for a coffee just to see if there is potential- I wouldn't say no even if I was very anxious like you are, there is no obligation to decide anything soon.