I Can't be bothered to have sex anymore

[DalmationStripe]

both me and DP are in our early twenties, we have 2 Young DC. We've been together for 5 years.

Since the birth of DC2 (nearly a year ago) I've completely gone off sex. DP hasn't and he's starting to feel resentful.

When I get into bed at night, I literally just fall asleep instantly.

For some reason I completely lost my confidence after DC2 was born and just feel really self conscious and ugly which I've admitted to DP.

I feel like I could happily never have sex again. DP has started saying that I obviously don't fancy him anymore which isn't true. I've told him this.

The longest we go without sex is 2/3 weeks, but this is only because I feel guilty and give in. I can't be bothered with the argument it causes.

I don't know how we can overcome this.

I really don't know how to overcome this.

To keep a relationship happy you need to make an effort, once you get it to it you will probably enjoy it. If not prehaps your relationship is over?

I always find these threads sad. Sex is an integral part of a relationship, whatever the agreement is about compromising on high/low libidos, different turn on/turn offs, and the form it takes in your unique partnership.

I would find it difficult to stay with my DH if he didn't want to have sex with me at all. However much I love him.

Intimacy is the main thing that sets you apart from being just flatmates. You can get friendship, help with parenting, a social life with anyone.

I think it is one of those things you can get out of the habit of, and sometimes it takes effort to get back on track. Once it is back on track though, the benefits are huge.

I think to need to address it OP, for both your sakes.

Agree 100% with the above - you are so young and sex shouldn't be written off, it will have a devastating effect on your relationship if it goes on too long.
Sometimes if you just start doing it you get in the mood and get back into it. Forget marathon bed sessions for now when you want to sleep, think about quickies up against the wall or at the sink, quick BJs etc.

weatherall I have been raped in the past and I have lost my libido and regained it by having sex when I haven't fancied it but have still consented. That's what others are suggesting. There's a big difference between not fancying sex but consenting, and being raped and I'm trying really hard here not to get really fucking angry at you for suggesting otherwise.

It is easy to fall out of wanting sex. Having more is a way that may tap back into desire. A bit like an ex smoker being fine without fags but one more turning them into a smoker again iyswim.

Wildbill. Thats actually a nice post!

There is a huge difference between rape and faking out that you're interested in having sex when you're not to keep the relationship sweet. The other person would have no idea you weren't as keen as they were and so would have no reason to use force or even manipulation in order to have sex. It's being willingly offered - at least to their eyes anyway. It's not rape.

At the risk of being flamed I do think for some people (men and women) sex is very much driven by a biological need to reproduce and when their own internal child need quota is met their sex drive just ceases to exist no matter whatever is done medically, emotionally or otherwise.

It's in that sort of situation that it's either a case of fake interest to keep the relationship going or separate to allow the keen partner to pursue a sexual relationship if they wish.

I've been in both sides of this type of dynamic in 2 of my marriages.

To feel desire, first of all you have to feel desirable. That's what's missing here.

People who feel desirable are people who are happy, secure and confident in their lives and relationships. They like who they are and are happy with what they see in the mirror even if they aren't supermodels.

To feel like that in a relationship, you need to feel that your partner really values you for who you are - that they love the essence of you. You make someone feel like that by listening to their day, talking about things of interest to you, having fun together, and doing your bit domestically without being asked (because when you love someone you want to make their life easier.) Without those things in place, sex just leaves many people feeling used and like they're performing another chore.

OP, your DP needs to ease the burden on you and try to make your relationship more fun if he wants to get more sex. If you still love him and fancy him deep down underneath all that tiredness, your libido will almost certainly come back.

Sorry that I've only just come back to the thread. I have been working all weekend.

Thank you all for your help, you given me alot to think about. After giving it some thought, I think the two main reasons are tiredness and the way I feel about myself. I can't really do much about the tiredness right now. But I will try and see myself in a better light. One of you suggested putting make up on and it did help. I wore makeup tp work today and I felt that I looked much better. It's a start I suppose.

Dalmatian stripe how are you getting on ?

Hi OP - I'm glad the make up thing helped a little. Someone further up mentioned that not all women like wearing makeup - well no shit, but for many women it acts as a confidence boost, so I'm glad you seem to fall into that category.

For complex reasons, I'm basically a house wife at the moment, and after a while my confidence really sank. I noticed that I stopped seeing the point in looking nice, and just went for the bare minimum. I felt like shit. After a while, I started making a bit of an effort with my appearance again (when I re discovered a little stash of nice make up I had), doing sport, etc and I noticed I actually felt so much better.

My fiancé doesn't seem to notice one way or another - the only thing he does comment on is that he knows the days where I've been doing sport, as I always have much more energy that day.