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Original poster

meeting each others DC?

12 replies

tinygrass · 19/06/2014 21:08

is there ever a right time? How long would you wait?

We are a couple of months in, very happy so far, and thinking about arranging a first (brief) meeting in the next month or so.

Will be my DC first (as they are older so hoping it will be less of an issue, plus it's been a long time since I split with their dad)

OP posts:
Minime85 · 19/06/2014 21:39

Bump. No advice I'm afraid but would be interested in answers

FolkGirl · 20/06/2014 00:26

I waited for nearly 6 months before my children met my boyfriend. And then it was only because we were going on holiday and the children felt happier meeting him first.

They haven't seen him since because it isn't necessary. He's part of my life, not theirs. They have a dad but little other family. But there's no benefit to them to meeting my boyfriend.

If it hadn't been for the holiday, they still wouldn't have met him after 7 and a half months.

littlegreenlight1 · 20/06/2014 12:32

We left it a couple of months. He met mine at my house, was fine. I met his in a cafe with a few other friends which went well too.
Then, a while after that we took the youngest ones (8, 9 and 12) to a farm and they all hit it off too.
It worked really well for us, maybe not for others but we are pleased with what worked for us.

wallypops · 20/06/2014 13:09

I think what's right for one family would be wrong for another. We had to meet each others kids pretty quickly because we never ever have a night where one of us doesn't have our kids. It's still not all plain sailing. My eldest daughter is 9 - and she likes him if I'm not there but is massively jealous of him if I am. I have been divorced from their dad for 6 years.

I've now met his ex, which I think was progress, and he is going to see my ex this weekend - I'm less at ease about that - all the children will be there as it's my kids end of year show.

BitOutOfPractice · 20/06/2014 14:16

With my first BF after I split from their dad, I waited 2 years! I wanted to get used to the idea

With this (my 2nd) BF it was much quicker (4 months?) for two reasons 1. they were older and more relaxed 2. I broke down with the girls and I was late to take DD1 to Guide camp, didn't have time to wait for the AA, and he came and rescused us so it happened with no planning! With the benefit of hindsight that was great - no stress or big deal

wannaBe · 20/06/2014 14:24

I think it depends on the children, their ages, the situation, lots of things.

My ds met my dp after only about a month because my xh brought him round unannounced while he was here and then gave me an ultimatum - either I tell ds we are together or he would. So I invited dp over the next weekend still on the understanding that we were friends and we went to a couple of places together and they got on well. Ds pretty much worked out that we were together even though we hadn't been physically close or anything during that weekend and it has gone well ever since. Had I waited I would probably over thought it not knowing when the time would be right because tbh if you've never done it before it's impossible to know really.

My ds met my xh's gf by pre-arrangement - he pretty much just told him that he had a gf and wanted ds to meet her. They went out for a couple of hours or something. He didn't meet gf's dd until a few months later though, even though they had been talking about all going on holiday together. That wouldn't have been my preferred way tbh but gf's dd is much younger so perhaps it was best for them that way.

Jamie1981 · 20/06/2014 14:25

Told my partner (now husband) that it would be six months or more before he met my son. in the event, it was about 6-8 weeks. My son (10 at the time) had figured it out anyway as he saw me looking at his profile photo.
I think once you are comfortable, then it is fine to go ahead and introduce the person as a boyfriend or special friend. If your partner has a good relationship with his own kids (if he has them) then i think you can take this as an indicator that he will sensitive to yours too.
There were no issues with either sets of kids and actually i was surprised by how well i found it to get on with his kids.
We went out for a coffee and cakes, then, as it seemed to be going well, took them to the cinema.

Jamie1981 · 20/06/2014 14:27

Oh, as a corollary, my husbands ex wife didn't bother with introductions. Her partner was introduced to them on a summer's evening while watching a firework display. He moved into the home that my husband was paying for the same night, and tipped my husbands belongings from his bedside table into a box, almost while the bed was still warm.

Original poster
tinygrass · 20/06/2014 18:06

My DC are in their teens, so whilst we won't make a big thing of him being my boyfriend, they are too old for him to be passed off as a friend. That said, we were just planning on him popping in for a quick coffee the first time, while they're here, so tey get to meet him but it's not overly formal.

His DC are quite little (infant school age) so i think we'll need to approach it slightly differently with them.

OP posts:
FolkGirl · 21/06/2014 10:35

tinygrass I think it's different if they're in their teens. It's about introducing your children to someone who is important to you so they know who it is you are spending your time with.

It's more of an 'introduction'. It's when the children are younger I'd be more wary. My son is 15 and understands that my boyfriend is just that. But after meeting him once, my youngest (7) was talking about him as though he was already part of the family. My son wouldn't become emotionally attached, whereas my daughter might.

It would be the worst thing, for me (because I think it would be the worst thing for them), to introduce them to someone and then for a couple of years down the line for them to be introduced to someone else... and then someone else...

Original poster
tinygrass · 21/06/2014 10:50

Thanks FolkGirl - that makes sense. I split from my DC's dad a long time ago (more than 5 years) and have never introduced anyone to them before, I've had a couple of short lived relationships but none I ever felt serious enough about - plus I didn't want a situation of introducing them to one person after the other. hopefully that won't happen here.

We are intending to be more cautious with his DC, because they are so little, the split was just under a year ago, etc. Am more worried about how that will go than him meeting my DC, who I suspect will be fine with it all, given that we're keeping it low key, he won't instantly be spending the night here or anything!

OP posts:
TalisaMaegyr · 21/06/2014 11:10

We met each other's dc after a few weeks. Moved in together after a few months and have been together over 3 years now.

There are lots of people that thought we were mad, but it worked for us.

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