My drinking is an issue

[sooperdooper]

I've come to the conclusion that I have to admit I have an issue with alcohol, last night I meant to go out for a few drinks after work, ended up completely in a state, don't remember anything, stayed out all night because I fell asleep on a friends sofa :( :(

Understandably, DH is livid, (we don't have DC) he didn't know where I was, apparently I did speak to him which I don't even remember, it's completely unacceptable and if I don't sort it out it's only going to get worse :(

I don't even really know why I'm posting, I just feel such an idiot and I need to stop, it's not like I drink that often, I can go weeks without a drink but far too often when I do drink I don't seem to have the ability to stop at a reasonable level.

Has anyone else had to stop drinking like this? I feel so ashamed and such an idiot, DH is furious which is totally understandable, can I just stop? Do I have to tell people why? I'd kind of rather not, but if I just stop them people will notice when we go out etc, but I have to before I do something worse, or hurt myself or someone else :(

You can just stop, yes. And getting this under control while you can is far better than waiting until you cannot control your drinking.

My brother is a binge drinking alcoholic. Over the last 8 years he has gone from weekend benders here and there but not regularly. Now he cannot stay sober for 2 weeks and his benders last at least two weeks.

Don't wait to be a crippling alcoholic before you start controlling your drinking.

You're right, I can just stop and I shouldn't worry about what to say to people but I guess that means admitting to them what I know, which is that I do have an alcohol problem :(

It's not every time I drink that I get out of control but it's often enough to need to stop it

God how depressing, I feel such a fool :(

I do recognise some of this. Do you have one particular type of booze that you have no off switch for?

Normally when posters start a thread on MN to talk about their concerns about their drinking I recommend they try a month off the booze to feel the benefits and learn what their triggers are. Do you go a month between drinks normally? If so, I'd suggest three months. You need to tackle some of the familiar situations in which you would drink, in your case going out (or do you have binge nights at home as well?) and find ways to go without.

Yes, you can just stop. You would be wise to tell at least a few people why, as you need to accept that your drinking is a problem for you and those around you. If you make up a white lie some people will pressure you to drink.

This the book I normally recommend - it's been 3 years since I read it so I'm not sure how much it covers for your type of binge drinking. Don't be afraid to read it though - it's very non-judgemental.

Maybe you don't need to stop completely long term. But take a break so you can assess what's right for you, and be completely open with your DH about it.

You know you have a problem which is good to admit to yourself.
Have a look for some help locally, or maybe ask your doctor for some advice.
Try to see if there are triggers - is it just inevitable you will go for a drink or are you staying out to avoid something/someone? Can you go out and limit yourself to 3 drinks and space them out with juice/lemonade for example? I think a lot of people spiral because they don't know it is an issue. You do, so you need to either look at ways of controlling it or cutting it out altogether.

Don't feel a fool. I recently decided i drink too much as was drinking wine daily. So i have cut back and drink 1 - 3 glasses 2 - 3 times a week. This is a big improvement on a bottle a day. I rarely go out but can end up drinking far too much when i do. I honey think if i did it more often i would drink less.

Don't worry about what to tell people. Just say you are cutting back for health reasons (you are!)

In terms of what to tell people, just don't tell them anything really.

I no longer drink anymore (as a direct result of watching my brother's decent into alcoholism and the ugliness this brings). People don't really comment to me at all when I am out. I either just say "I'm driving" (which I usually am since I don't want to drink when out) or that I just don't want to drink alcohol and that I prefer soft drinks.

I think it is really positive that you have recognised that you have a problem and want to do something about it.

You don't have to tell everyone that you have stopped because you get out of control. You could say you are on a health campaign and /or detox and are giving alcohol up with six months.
After that you can say that you feel so well by not drinking that you are going to stay teetotal.
You're not going to want to go on boozy nights out with friends and stay sober. Maybe it is time to change your habits and find new ways to enjoy yourself.

I don't drink at all (now) and feel so much better, but people do look at me and I think they presume I'm an alcoholic when I say I don't drink!

Presumably your DH will be very supportive. Does he drink much? Would he consider going on the wagon too?

I don't want to sound harsh, but your friends might be really relieved if you tell them you're going to stop drinking. It's not that much fun hanging round with someone who's gone way too far - yes, I'm sure you're great company at the start of the night but at the end, they may feel a bit embarrassed, feel they are responsible for keeping you safe and out of arguments etc and probably a bit resentful. If they don't feel like that because they drink as much as you on those nights, then it might be better to avoid those friends.

You don't need to explain yourself to people. Just say that you've decided to quit drinking. Hell, you can even say you heard it was bad for fertility. Whatever! "I'm on a detox".

The bad thing about not drinking is that people will try and pressure you into a glass of wine or whatever. I didn't drink for years (no real reason) and people seemed to take personal offence that I wasn't drinking!

You could try looking at AA resources online if you aren't comfortable going to meetings (if you feel like your drinking isn't serious enough to warrant it - I mean, you don't want to go feeling like a fraud).

I think you are doing the right thing. It's best to nip things like this in the bud rather than let it go downhill. I assume that you apologised to your OH - perhaps this is something that you could discuss with them, so they can see that you are trying to look for a way forward.

Strangely enough, I've also decided to stop drinking for a while. I'm in a different position to you, in so much as I can control how much I drink each time, but it has been getting to a point where I was drinking every single day. Wine with dinner, then out with friends, then a party, then wine for a friday evening....it's just too much.

You are probably best stopping completely rather than trying to cut down.

Resolve seems to disappear after a couple of drinks for most people.

Good luck.

Say you're on a diet/detox or something, and have given up drinking for a few months. When that time is up, you could just say you're enjoying having a clear head so much, you're prolonging the detox, or whatever.

I have a good friend who has been in AA for 5 years for a similar issue. She wasn't reliant on drink or a regular drinker, but when she drank she couldn't stop and ended up in all sorts of scrapes.

I cannot tell you how much better her life is now. She is so much happier, stronger and more 'herself'.

Hi sooperdooper

Your message struck such a cord with me and I could almost have written it word for word myself.

I am a classic binge drinker and can go weeks/ months without a drink but when I do it always ends up being a massive night and I just don't know when to stop. More often than not I'll embarrass myself by falling over or I'll ruin someone else's night because they'll have to look after me. More worryingly though is that I will go often just off by myself. Most recent "episode" was just at the weekend.

We had such a beautiful girls day out, was home by 6pm (having already had a lot to drink). Anyone normal would have finished the days drinking there but no I fell asleep for an hour then woke up wanting to go partying again. I took myself off to the pub and the night finished with me walking the streets in the rain unable to work out how to get home (staying at mums), waking up the whole house because I couldn't get in the door and spilling the contents of my bag on the floor. I'd had such an ace day, why did I have spoil it?

I'm in my mid-thirties so old enough to know better and newly married so definitely not appropriate behaviour in my view. My DH hasn't been angry with me but I can sense his apprehension when I go out and he's just worried sick.

I don't have any advice or know how to break the cycle. I feel depressed for days after a night out and vow it will be the last but it never is...

I am going to keep trying though!

Well done for recognising you have a problem.

I know problem drinkers like you describe, can go for weeks without drinking but once they have one, they don't stop. Complete abstinence is the only successful strategy I have seen.

It's very socially acceptable to abstain - health / weight / work / driving can all be used but a simple "I don't drink" or "I'm not drinking tonight" followed by a swift change of subject usually works.

Good luck

I'm not a member though maybe I should be but I have a lot of good friends in AA, and they are way better people than they would have been if they had never had a drink problem.

They do an awful lot of personal development work that we would all benefit from. And no, you are not a fool, the fools are the ones who are still in denial.

Dear OP you sound great and very honest. You will sort this out because you want to and because you're not lying to yourself about the extent of the problem.

Very very best of luck.

OP - I don't have any advice to add that is different to those above, but I wanted to lend my support.

Recognising you have a problem and having the strength to admit that, and do something about it, are the first steps.

Go you!

Thank you everyone for being so supportive, I really appreciate it