Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Don't know what I'm trying to say

28 replies

Foreverwherever · 19/06/2014 16:22

I don't know why I'm writing this. I need to do something. I'm afraid I'm losing my mind. I'm so tired. It's more than that though. I feel I've made massive mistakes and am not in the right life for me. I feel like this can't be undone so I will never know happiness. I feel like I am not good enough. I am so so so tired. Pointless. Don't know what else to say

OP posts:

shesasillybitch · 19/06/2014 16:26

hand holding right now - someone with sound advice will be along soon - try and think of all the postive things you have in your life

Dutchoma · 19/06/2014 16:34

I think you are saying it because you are reaching out for human love and contact.
If you like, tell us a bit more about yourself. More than likely we can't do much to help, but we can try.
What has gone wrong?

adaorarda · 19/06/2014 16:37

i am holding your hand.

i know how you feel, i think.

Original poster

Foreverwherever · 19/06/2014 16:45

Lots of different issues. Major career regret. Have a dh that has treated me terribly in the past and even though now he is great I don't respect myself for giving him the chance iykwim. Three dc. After thing to say but really wish had stopped at two. I'm so so tired. I never get to sleep. I hate myself for feeling this way. On paper I have so much but I feel like a sham.

OP posts:

Original poster

Foreverwherever · 19/06/2014 16:45

Meant awful thing to say not after thing to say..

OP posts:

Dutchoma · 19/06/2014 16:52

There's nothing awful about saying you have regrets. Thing is, if you keep looking back you will find it more difficult to move forward. You can't change the past and it will always be with you, but you can try and move forward, even if it is with very small steps and great difficulty. Have you seen your doctor? It may be something simple like anemia.

kaykayblue · 19/06/2014 17:49

hi foreverwherever - firstly, could you be suffering with post natal depression? You don't mention how recently you had the third. Are you still in the throes of looking after a newborn?

I think the first step is to work out how to get some rest. Some proper rest. And perhaps speak to your doctor about what seems to be depression.

Aside from your third born, all the other issues you mention are things that you don't have to just accept. You can change.

We can help you figure out how, but for now you need to focus on getting some rest and working out whether you need some medical help with the depression.

Original poster

Foreverwherever · 19/06/2014 18:37

Dc3 is over 18 months. I've suffered with panic attacks and bad PMS since. I am on my fourth month of a 20mg Prozac tablet to treat that.

OP posts:

Original poster

Foreverwherever · 19/06/2014 18:38

On the rare night dc3 sleep one of the others will invariably be sick or something. It's like a giant fucking hamster wheel

OP posts:

Smilesandpiles · 19/06/2014 18:41

You are exhausted. Can you get some help in for a few days - family or friends, dh?

Talk to your GP, the meds may be making you worse.

Everything can be changed one thing at a time BUT you need a rest first. Get someone, anyone in to give you a hand.

myroomisatip · 19/06/2014 18:51

Sounds trivial and I dont mean to trivialise your situation, but I sometimes find that making lists helps.

Just write down, in any order, what is troubling you, and maybe you can address the smallest first? It is very satisfying crossing things off lists :)

It also helps you to focus on 'definites'. Things that really need to change.

As for panic attacks, I have suffered from them in the past. I only know that once I accepted I was not going to die, (yes, that is how bad I felt) and that, although it was horrible, it would pass, they did get better.

Also as pp have said, if you can, get some help so you can get some sleep. Life is bloody hard most sometimes!

HattyMonkey · 19/06/2014 19:00

Sleep depravation is a terrible thing let alone if you are already suffering from anxiety. As someone else suggested is there anyway at all of you getting away for a few days or getting someone to stay and help you. Could you write a letter to your dh if you don't feel able to vocalise the full extent of your feelings? PND is a real possibilty. Keep posting as you probably know there are some amazing people on here with experiences that will help.

Original poster

Foreverwherever · 19/06/2014 20:18

Thanks for the replies. Dh has just suggested I go away Saturday night for the night but I'm not sure if being on my own is the best thing.

OP posts:

Helpys · 19/06/2014 20:23

Oh you poor love. We've all been on that 'giant fucking hamster wheel'
I agree that rocking off to a hotel for the night mightn't be great, can you stay with a friend, parents, siblings?

Helpys · 19/06/2014 20:28

This is a ridiculous idea, but do you have a tent and garden? My being woken up by babies days are long gone, but we camped a few weeks back because we had a houseful and wanted to try out our new tent.
Best nights sleep ever and you could have an evening with DH. I agree staying in a hotel alone when you're down is not appealing.

HattyMonkey · 19/06/2014 20:40

Is there a friend you can stay with, where are you might sound crazy but if you are near me, I have a spare room.

Original poster

Foreverwherever · 19/06/2014 20:43

Hatty you can't be that nice time ill cry, and if I start god knows where it'll end . The only friend I would want to stay with has her own set of problems and a newborn.. No family or old friends close by I'm not from here originally

OP posts:

Quitelikely · 19/06/2014 20:48

I wonder if you're meds are not working? Has there been an improvement since you started them? Can you afford childcare to take some time for yourself?

Original poster

Foreverwherever · 19/06/2014 20:53

The panic attacks have stopped, I just get slight chest pains occasionally, like what would have happened before a panic attack if you know what I mean. My mil is amazing and gives me a few hours every week but I tend to gym / help at school. That and all the glamorous housework that goes along with 3 under 6 etc..

Dh works crazy hours. The main problem is the lack of sleep. Dc3 riddled with chicken pox at the moment so basically under house arrest too. I keep telling myself to keep going just keep going but then I pause like I did today and it feels like a house of cards and it scares me stupid

OP posts:

Smilesandpiles · 19/06/2014 20:56

OK, you need to look after yourself but you know this.

The school holidays are coming up and it won't be long until there is no break at all for weeks.

Drop helping at school, use that time to rest instead. Sod the housework. Drop your standards a little, if your dh moans about it, tell him to deal with it. Keep going to the gym, that is probably helping you more than the medication.

DC3 will be better soon, ask MIL to take him for the day so you can catch up on sleep.

Original poster

Foreverwherever · 19/06/2014 21:08

There's only one in school anyway, and the older two are very good in fairness. Right. Kick up the arse time. Thanks all

OP posts:

Dutchoma · 19/06/2014 22:18

Nothing kick up arse time, you need to be far kinder to yourself. Goodness three under six, a dh who works all hours and chickenpox into the mix, anybody would think that they are losing their mind on the great hamster wheel. It will pass, but do be kind to yourself, you are doing a near impossible job.

Original poster

Foreverwherever · 19/06/2014 22:39

Thanks Dutch. I had 3 in 4.5 years.
It is hard. I'm a sahm and everyone keep telling me I'm very lucky, and I know I AM, but I don't feel that lucky at all

OP posts:

Dutchoma · 20/06/2014 07:06

That's a silly comment to make. I can't imagine how hard it must be. Does your husband help at all? As much as he is able? What about your health visitor? Is there SureStart in your area? You need help for just a few weeks, a few days. That's all. Hope you had a reasonable night. Have the other children had the poxes yet or are you waiting for them to break out? Keep posting, we will just hold your hand virtually until someone real come to your aid. This too will pass, as they say on Mumsnet.

Original poster

Foreverwherever · 20/06/2014 10:39

The others have had them already thankfully. Had a bad night but feel a bit better in my head. Poor child is covered in them . Thanks for the hand holding, thought I might go mad yesterday

OP posts:

Flip

1 2