He's a liar (bit long sorry)

[username1906]

Not the biggest problem in the grand scheme of things I suppose.

Backstory - we had some problems with him going off sex, preferring porn. We went to counselling, seemed to work a treat, conceived a baby. Lost the baby, both of us devastated but conceived again fairly quickly. All well this time. No sex the first trimester, the mc freaked us both out. Some sex after scans showing all was well.

Then after about 26 weeks, as I got bigger, he stopped. I'm due any day now, we had sex just the once maybe 3 months ago, once maybe a month before that. I was upset, feeling fat, unsexy, rejected, scared of the fact that we won't have sex for a long long time (goodness knows what the baby will do to my bits, my libido, our energy levels etc etc). He said that its too weird, doing it but being able to feel the baby. I said was he not frustrated, he claimed no he wasn't at all! And then made a snide comment about him dealing with it better than me. He denied getting himself off, claimed he thinks I'm beautiful.

So today, I was playing with his ipad as my laptop was out of battery - we know all each other's passwords. Imagine my surprise when looking for new hairdo ideas, I enter a hair colour as a search term and his history throws up lots of porn hits. A very cursory check shows a fair few porn visits in his history.

I am gutted. Not so much about the actual porn - I do see that sex with a massively pregnant woman might not be that appealing - but about the snide comments, the lies, the fact that he would rather get off to a skanky porn star than me. I'm so bloody sad that he made me feel crap and unreasonable. Right now I feel like if I went into labour I wouldn't even want him there, he's obviously repelled by me as it is, if he sees a baby coming out of my vagina that's it for our sex life forever.

He's at work at the moment. I don't want to argue with him about it. I don't even want to discuss it. I don't know what I want. Maybe to go back in time a few hours and charge my laptop and return to blissful ignorance.

I absolutely do not intend to LTB. But this has shaken me quite badly.

my GP telling me to 'get over it' with regard to being lied to and having trust broken over an issue that had already resulted in counselling and referring to 'menfolk' would be enough to never make me see them again. and a marriage counsellor? jesus wept.

In the interests of fairness, i'll point out he never told me to get over it, that was all me. He also never said it was like shagging your own kid (yuck), he said it felt 'weird', more about being kicked and wriggled at through my belly.

I have no intention of leaving, I know everyone says it but in all other ways he is a wonderful husband.

See you back here soon. Good luck x

Here we go again, mega overreaction time. Personally I felt extremely weird having sex with heavily pregnant wife - yes she was beautiful pregnant (and OP's husband has told her she's beautiful etc) but beauty and sex are very different things. Have discussed with friends who have felt the same. We are told quite rightly how careful we need to be with pregnancy, we stroke the belly gently, talk to the bump etc and I'm sorry - those feelings do not go hand in hand with wanting to have sex. It DOES feel weird, not because it feels like you're having sex with the baby but because firstly you worry about damage and secondly because the baby is present by its very proximity.

Bloke didn't want to hurt feelings and is hardly going to go on about using porn during pregnancy. To blow this up any further is preposterous.

Ok. So he never actually said what you put on here?
He said it was something that made him uncomfortable and you changed it to ' shagging his own kid''
No one should be made to feel uncomfortable about sex. Male or female. You may think his reaction is unnecessary, but it's still valid.
He doesn't want sex while yoy are pregnant, but he should get over it and put you first? Pressure much?

It was jamie 1981's ex husband that said it felt like shagging your own kid, not mine. And I never said he should have sex with me if it felt weird, in fact I said I could see how sex might not be that appealing. But sure sexypants, slag me off and say I'm pressuring him based on something you've made up rather than what I actually said. Helpful.

Thankfully I was more realistic as far as my DH was concerned. We could feel the baby, the baby was right there between us closer than anyone had ever been before. I see it as perfectly understandable that there's a baby affecting moods and perception. I certainly wouldn't put down the feelings of my DH, just talk them through and allow time to adjust. Same with anything we don't see in the same way as that's how I'd expect him to be with me. Consideration for the feelings of your partner is essential for a happy relationship.

Not wanting to have sex when you're pregnant is understandable. I get that men might feel weird about it (my husband did. His feelings are valid and, frankly, I couldn't be fucking arsed with sex anyway so it suited me :) )

What my husband didn't do is lie to me, use porn and make me feel like shite. That's your problem here.

Ah, sorry. I thought it was you that had said it not another poster.