Nervousness and expectations ahead of date!

[predatejitters]

I know I'm being ridiculous but I'm nervous and I just want to vent - so if anyone has any advice/opinion on the situation to set my head straight, I'm all ears!

I am 28 and childless. I have been involved long distance with a man for 13 months. We've known each other for 5 years as really good friends, but 18 months ago we started sleeping together and getting involved.

In April 2013 (after a few months of dating) I got a massive transfer at work overseas. So excited, wonderful for my career. I was sad that I'd be leaving him as things were going really well, but I've always been a career over men type.

The week before I moved he told me he loved me, and even though I was going he'd had such a wonderful time with me. I had too, but by this point I'd got myself into a mental state so focussed on work that I shut the relationship down. We didn't really talk for 5 months, not in a NC way, but in a 'We're both busy and getting on with our lives' way.

In February this year I came back to the UK for a conference, and got in touch saying it would be lovely to see him. I stayed with him for 5 nights as I worked in the day, and it was marvellous. Going back overseas was so hard, and I realised how stupid I had been in effectively dumping him last year. He is wonderful, and I'm annoyed I'd ignored this until now.

In March I found out that i will be returning the UK permanently in August. Shared this news with him, he was so excited. Since March things have stepped up a gear despite the distance and we are (without any official conversation) acting as a couple.

I am flying back next week to be his plus one at his brother's wedding. Bearing in mind that I haven't seen him since February, I am outrageously nervous about this. Ive got a great dress, and I'm really looking forward to the party with lots of our mutual friends.

But I'm worried about the relationship with him now and maybe that i've set my expectations with him too high. What is this relationship? Am I your girlfriend? Are we going to be couply in front of your friends and family? He's the only person I've had sex with in two years - to be honest I'm gagging for it - and I'm nervous about DTD too!

Can anyone talk some sense into me? How do I get my head around the situation?

tia!

If you're his plus one at a family wedding I would take that as pretty clear 'girlfriend' territory.

Stop worrying and enjoy yourself. Have a fabulous time. It looks like everything is falling into place nicely. Don't upset yourself with the unknown. He wouldn't have asked you to his brother's wedding if he didn't have feelings for you. Don't forget to let us all know how it went.

Haha thank you! I know I'll have a lovely time when I get there, I can't help but overthink.

I feel like I am his girlfriend, and he my boyfriend, but starting something up at distance proves tricky!

I'm naturally pretty anxious and fear of the unknown cripples me sometimes. Thus is life i suppose!

Is t here any way you can talk to him about your worries? I'm sure you'll be fine but if worry consumes you this much and he truly cares, I'm sure he'll be able ot reassure you better than we can. I think he'd lov eto have you act as his girlfriend, but I understand you're unsure.

Yeah I have spoken to him. Told him I'm nervous about the wedding and seeing him, but nervous-exited. His response was 'Do not worry, everyone will love you. I think you're a pleasure to be around, and I can't wait to have you here for so long'.

Which I suppose is very positive! And I know it to be true.

I suppose the wedding itself will tell me all I need to know. If I'm introduced to family as his girlfriend. I'm staying for a full week after, so if I'm not sure towards the end I might bring it up in person. Doesn't feel right having the relationship talk over the phone, when I've not seen him in months.

"If I'm introduced to family as his girlfriend."
Careful with this. Don't forget, he's probably not sure of your status either, since you broke up with him.
Personally, if you like him, i'd get on the phone and say "hey, i made a mistake. i really want to be with you."
Do it before the wedding and it will make the day extra special for both of you :-).

Ahh Jamie! I want to. Thats what I'm nervous about!

I can't do it on Skype or the phone can I? I'm rubbish at being vulnerable!

Of course you can do it on the phone! If something is going to change one of you has to be vulnerable or say something first. He shouldn't have to do it all should he?

I know, I know! This is what I wanted really, a good kick up the bum. Its just so hard -stamps feet like toddler-

Am also really scared of being rejected. If I don't ask, I don't have to hear an answer I don't like.

Update as promised!

Went incredibly well, had the most wonderful week and a shit ton of sex :D

Was a little awkward at first on my part, but we settled into the swing of things very easily. He's flying out to stay with me in 2 weeks, and then it's only a month until I move back full time. We've started making plans for August & September.

No boyfriend/girlfriend title established but we had a conversation that made it very clear seeing other people is out. Drunkenly on my last night with him he fell asleep saying 'I'm so glad that you are mine, I've wanted this for years'. I was wrapped in his arms at the time and I melted!

Wow! That's very exciting - so pleased for you