How much does your appearance matter to your partner (and vice versa)

[Flamesparrow]

The pregnancy thread got me thinking... I don't tend to notice if DH puts on/loses weight/if he shaves or decides to try a stubbly thing etc - I love him and that's that, and it doesn't make me any more or less attracted to him.

I complained to him the other day that everyone else has commented on how much weight I've lost, and that he clearly hates me and doesn't care (a tad hormonal that day ) - and he said the same thing as me - he doesn't tend to notice how I look, and my changing looks doesn't tend to affect him (he could be talking bollocks, but he tends to only say what he thinks).

So....... do you notice it in your partner/do they notice it in you??

Are me n DH just a very odd couple???

alexsmum - not putting on weight is between the ears, not just if you can exercise or not. maybe northerner's dh likes that aspect of her character that wont let her appearance go, as well as finding a certain body type more attractive. Its a personal thing, the only important thing is that a couple's expectations match up.

appearance was important to my ex as well, and to me, because I dont want to turn into my mother.

there are two things that make me look a bit grim - either lack of effort on my part or stress. at the time dh is pretty much indifferent but - especially if I've been stressed - when he sees me smile properly he always comments, he says how nice I look when I smile and when I don't look haggard and grey. and if I look better cos I've made an effort he generally comments too.

but as i asiad fistfull-what happens if something happens to change the way you look? do you love them less?

I'm a minger, really, and I know it. Dh however seems to think I am the most gorgeous creature on this planet, and is so obviously proud of me it's rather laughable! But incredibly endearing. he clearly fancies me rotten, whatever I wear / weigh, and loves it when I dress up for events we go to together.

Dh- now there's a case in point! When I met him- minger! (I wasn't such, back then). Nobody fancied him, everyone wondered what I saw in him (financial director asked me out at he same time and was refused). Then Dh got wise, got a few nice suits...... Bugger is right good looking now and all the women in my last job fancied him rotten LOL!

And good on him too, my sweetheart!

I dont think its a foregone conclusion that if you care about how your partner looks, that you'd divorce if they were in a car accident or something.

Peachy Clair you are not a bloody minger.
I have seen your photo so I can confirm you are a babe.
In fact you're just peachy, clair
(god I sound like a stalker don't I??)

My dp's appearance certainly matters to me, but I am feeling slightly abashed to admit it after all these worthy posts of being above such things

Harpsi, no-one actually thought to ask me how old the phto was LOL!

I think it was taken 9 years ago

yes well I suspect you have improved with age like a fine wine or similar.

(Note the user name LOL)

yes but your inner charm and beauty shine through
(throw me a line, here.....)

OK, I have nice eyes and legs

there you go

(DS1 says I'm lovely though )

Peachy - I saw you last year so I KNOW what you look like and 'minger' you most definitely aren't!

God...I really do sound like a stalker. but it was all above board.. honest....

LOl- very above board, it was even in a Church LOL!

(I've lost 3 stones since then )

3 stone!!!! You weren't fat then...you must be like a stick now!!

dh always looks nice. he always shaves unless i ask him not to (sometimes i like him to keep his stubble for an evening )
he usually wears dark jeans and smart trainers and a nice slim fit top. he gets women look at him.

its me i worry about! having been preg for last 18 months i dont make much effort very often. he never complains.
if i say 'oh my god, i look minging' like i did yesterday in car to tesco, he says: 'no babe, you are pregnant. you look lovely'

alexsmum - when I sad my dh doesn't want a fat wife I wasn't talking about unforseen circumstances like be being wheelchair bound after an accident and unable to exercise or facially disfigured. I mean a fat wife who is fat because she can't be arsed to exercise, eats crap food and has let herself go.

I'd find Quasimodo sexy.

Why? B/c he was kind, loving, respectful, thoughtful, and sweet.

How much more attractive can you get than all that in one package?

I was put off my dh when I first met him, as he was a typical nerd. But he won me over with his charm (well, and my mum told me to "go and have a bit of fun"), we started seeing each other and I slowly introduced contact lenses, new hairdo, new clothes etc. However, by that point I was already in love, and just helping him make the best of himself. Now he is better looking than me. We have both changed over the years, but it's hard to notice when you see someone all the time. I do find him enormously sexy, but it's impossible to distinguish how much is down to appearance and how much to all the other things I love.

I agree with Northener. DH would tell me if I put on quite a lot of weight, and I would probably tell him too. Not the same at all as being disfigured in an accident or the like.

And of course I will always love my dh, but I don't want to love him like an old comfy slipper I want to look at him and think 'phwooar'!

Northerner explained it so much better than I did!

PeachyClaire, have just read your post. I would give an awful lot for my husband to feel about me the same way yours does about you

DP thinks I look amazing. I'm not sure what I think about that. I believe he thinks that when he looks at me but I'm very aware of my averag.. er.. ness.
I feel the same when I look at him. There's something about him that just makes me weak.