Ex's family - Birthday present etiquette, advise needed,

[quirkycutekitch]

ExP left me and DS(3) on mother's day this year. We'd been together for 13 years. I've never been that close to his family, since we have split I haven't received one message or text from any of his siblings and I text his auntie once when I found out her dog died. I have seen his mother a handful of times when she's picked up our boy.

So it's my birthday tomorrow and ExP has just dropped off a card from his auntie with a £25 gift voucher in it. I wasn't going to acknowledge any of their birthdays (there haven't been any so far) and leave it up to exP to sort out cards etc from him and DS.

So what do I do now?

Contact her and say thank you very much?

Oh yes I'll do that - I mean when it's her birthday

How long is it until her birthday? I'd say thanks & then see how it pans out. She obviously thinks about you & may have been too embarrassed to have contacted you previously.
Phone for a chat and see...as for the others, if they don't bother with you, do likewise.

It's not until November. We don't really have a 'phone and chat' kind of relationship. More than likely we will exchange a couple of texts, and that's it, before then.

I tend to send a card to ex's family and let him do the gift. I suggested this when we split, as I knew he wouldn't bother sending my family anything so didn't see why his family should get double now that we are separated, but I don't want them to think I've forgotten about them either.

He doesn't even send a card to my nieces/nephews/brothers etc, not because there's any animosity, being a typical bloke he just doesn't think of it. His sister gave him a calendar with all their birthdays marked on it, but he obviously didn't think to add my lot.

I think it's a nice gesture that his aunt sent you a card and money and it would be nice to at least send her a card, if not a little gift - doesn't have to be much, it's the thought that counts and all that.

And I'm sure ex's lot think it's odd that they get one card from him and the children and one from me and the children, but I'd rather that than send it from me alone.

When his brother got divorced the ex wife never sent my DCs a card which pissed me off no end, even though the brother's new GF wrote cards from him, her and the 'step-kids' she'd never met! If that was me I'd much rather have sent my own card than have my DCs included in the OW's card!

I tend to do something homemade with the DC for stbxh's families so some cakes or a picture as it is then clearly from them, rather than me. We had a good relationship before but, like yourself, dropped like a sack of shit when he left. I struggle to understand how they could just ignore my very existence and presume stbxh rewrote our marriage to suit him. I guess they knew that but felt they had to be seen to be loyal - I don't know...

Just to let you know that I totally get where you're coming from.. its a strange relationship to go from being a fully included member of the family to still being related but completely outside the family bubble.

Thank you for the messages.

Fush your comments about being loyal really rings true with me. Yes think I will get DS to make something for them. Just realised it was his sisters birthday 16 days after we split but as you can imagine that was the last thing on my mind!

So I text her to say Thank you, but you didn't have to get me anything. She's text back "why not?".

Now i feel really awkward. Do i really have to text back. "Because me & EXP have split up you weirdo "?

Just text back "Well, I am very touched, thank you so much."

And leave it at that.