Would it be strange to give him a letter?

[positively9something]

Ok so I have been seeing this guy for years on and off, he is emotionally unavailable, I also have issues with emotions although I have been working on myself for years and have seen improvement.

I find it hard to discuss emotions with him I think they reason why is because I fear I will be rejected or thought of as 'needy'.

I am considering writing him a letter to let him know how I feel in a factual way. Would that be strange? Firstly I thought I would email him, them thought no I will discuss it over the phone but I'm thinking that if I wrote him a letter he could take his time to digest it and re-read if necessary! If I just say it over the phone he could easily forget.

But I'm wondering if giving him the letter would be odd or seem extreme?

As you can tell I am clearly confused. The letter is just a way for me to be open and honest - it's not to try to get him to act differently but to let him see things from my point of view and see how I perceive things that he does etc.

I'm not sure if this even makes sense?

Um... Not really.

Why are you writing to him? Are you splitting up?

Tbh write your letter. Put everything in it. Then burn it. Nothing good will come out of sending it. Like drunken texts letters like that look very different on receipt than at sending.

A letter would be a bit extreme imo... What are you trying to tell him? That you find him emotionally unavailable? OR that you are looking for more from your relationship sort of thing?

What about just trying to open up relationship talk by asking questions, like 'where do you see this going' etc?

You will get more out of a 2-way conversation even though you find it hard. The first step is just to take the first step not avoid talking by sending a letter...

Have you read natalie lue's "mr unavailable and the fallback girl"? Absolutely vital in dealing with these draining situations, can rumble on for years. I know, been there, done it. In a nutshell, he is never going to change into a better version of himself, he is never going to have a grand moment of understanding or a bolt from the blue. You will never be able to get the "if he just understood this then maybe..." It won't happen. Ever. You've already lost years to this, don't waste any more! And i mean that sincerely xx

I have read me unavailable and found it so useful! I might have to re-read it

Squid - you are right I am probably using the letter as a way of avoiding dealing with it. I have an avoidance attachment style so I guess that makes sense!

Don't waste any more time. I did and regret it. If you cannot talk to him easily, he is not right for you. Time goes by so quickly and inevitably these guys move on easily to another partner which can hurt.

Best get it over with. Good luck.

Sorry OP but he's just not that into you. Just don't communicate with him anymore and move on. You will feel much better for it.