Problems with a mum at DS's school

[LittleRedHenGirl]

Hi all

I posted briefly about this with an old username much earlier on in the school year.

Basically my 4 year old DS started school in September and became friends with another boy. The mum immediately wanted to be best friends with me and was very fully on, wanting to meet all the time, but at the same time was very bitchy about others, quite aggressively at times, so I decided to keep my distance but be 'friends' for the boys' sake.

After a couple of months she suddenly had a massive go at me at pick up one day, saying I'd been talking about her when I hadn't. I walked off and she then phoned me at home a few days later saying that I had been talking about her and that she had witnesses and that she would take me to court. I have tried to phone her a couple of times to sort things out with her but she didn't answer her phone.

I decided to just ignore her. I have never bitched about her to any of the other mums, but plenty of other mums have things to say about her, that they don't like her and that she's not very nice.

I have become friends with a group of mums, whom I stand with each day at pick up, and in recent months, she has seemingly deliberately started to stand with them too. None of them like her, as they all moan about her and say she's not very nice, yet they are happy for her to be the centre of attention when she stands with us. She seemingly does it to intimidate me, as she glares at me a lot and does things such as comes over, puts her back to me and then proceeds to engage everyone in conversation.

Now I've discovered today that her son is having a massive birthday party and every other child in their class apart from my DS is invited. DS isn't bothered and hasn't even realised, but I think it's incredibly low to stoop, and considering neither DS or I did anything wrong in the first place it's just not very nice. Despite her behaviour I would never take anything out on her child or exclude him from things in that way.

I just feel generally uncomfortable on the school run really. She is extremely loud and pushy, and I am the total opposite.

Has anyone else had anything similar? Is it best if I just carry on ignoring her?

Just ignore. Ignore. Ignore. It's always hard when your children are the ones who don't get an invite but I think it bothers us more than them.

Try not to give this woman any more thought as she is literally a waste of your head space!

Do not discuss her with the others, just nod and smile politely when they talk about her. It looks like they have some double standards going on but it's just best to not get involved.

Definitely ignore her and if she says anything remotely threatening to you, tell her that you will report her to the police for harassment. The world is unfortunately full of unpleasant people who behave in ways that are difficult to figure out. It's her issues that cause her to behave this way, not you.

Meanwhile, ignore the fact that she has left your ds out of the birthday party. You wouldn't want to go anyway and have to hang out with her would you? And make sure you invite her ds to your ds's party. Nothing takes the wind out of someone's vindictive sails like not rising to their behaviour and acting like it never happened!

I bet a lot of the invitees won't go.

She's obviously loopy - put your mask in place and ignore her. I know it's easier said than done!

I don't know if I'm being a bit paranoid but when she comes over to talk to us all the others seem to ignore me if I say anything. It's like they hang on every word she says.

There isn't really anything else you can do. Just be lovely and unbiitchy with the other mums. Although if asked I would be honest that she didn't invite DS but with shrug and move on quickly to something else, do not tell anyone you are upset as it may get back to her. Always be sweet to her son.

Lastly perhaps cultivate friendships with some mums with backbone, if i was in a group and someone turned their back on someone I would call them on it. You may be in a playground but you are all adults.

She's a mad bully. Keep your distance. What a shame for you.

Please ignore her. she sounds bonkers.

carry on as you are and keep your dignity intact, she's clearly doing it to get a reaction! do not give her one.

I can imagine that lots of the kids won't even go to the party.

I do feel for you.

Yes I had a mum who seemed to hate me from the start of reception. It is ridiculous - like being back at school yourself! I wouldn't believe grown women acted like that if I hadn't been through it myself.
I have absolutely no idea what I did to her but she used to stand with her back to me in the middle of a small group and ignore me even if I was the only other mum there. She stood right next to ds and I one day talking loudly about who was going to her boy's party (Obviously not my son). I was upset for him at the time but he honestly never mentioned it again.
In summer term last year she had a huge falling out with the headteacher made a scene at pick up one day and pulled her children out of the school. She reported the school to ofsted triggering an inspection. Fortunately for us school was graded outstanding and she never came back . So IGNORE. She clearly has her own Issues.
I found out after she had gone that other people who appeared to be friendly with her didn't want to rock the boat for their children's sakes but she had latched on to them rather than actually being friends.

Yep, just ignore, smile, be polite. She sounds like a nut job and there's plenty of them at our school. This one woman who is always unpleasant to me, invited all the boys in the class to her sons party except mine, which is funny because my son is the only boy who'll actually play with her child - anyway, most of the other mums backed out because she's just so horrid and then she had the cheek, the day before the party to say to me "would your ds be able to come to my ds party as there has been some cancellations" who would do that???? Well I did take him! Because actually my son really likes this boy and despite this lads mother, the child is absolutely adorable and I thought it was the bigger thing to do!

she is weird, unhinged, probably seriously mentally unstable.

So ignore it as much as you can, don't try to appease her, and don't try to "have it out"a s she is clearly nuts.

I had problems with a mum at school once (she went to prison, left her kids on my doorstep on her way to court, actually telling me she had an emergency doc's appointment (WTF?!), then disappeared to prison for 6 weeks, so I took her kids to school next day, sat down with the HT and we called social services. She was angry with me for this (again, WTF?!). But also tried to bully me by always coming to sit right with me and my friends. I just ignored her mainly. Like I'd greet her briefly, but not enter in much conversation. Eventually she just hooked up with others and left me be....)

What a knob head ignore.
She does not like rejection and is immature with how she deals with it.

It sounds like the other women are just absolute mindless chittering little hens that are spreading gossip because they have nothing better to do with their empty lives.

You say they don't like this woman and bitch about her, but then they hang on to every word she says when she joins them? That's called being two faced. You can guarantee that she has been talking to these other mums and they have told her that you said bad stuff about her. Or that they deliberately said bad stuff about you and that you agreed.

It's like a fucking playground.

Keep going until the summer break and have a fresh start in the new term. If you want to have some of the other mums as friends arrange a few playdates over the summer or something.

Bin the lot of them and find a new group not associated with her or them. If they bitch about her when she's not around but treat her like a star when she is, they are as bad and will also have their turn ganging up on you.

Ignore her. I had probs with one mother who took a dislike to me. She just did not speak to me but her husband was always chatty and friendly I never found out what her problem was.

Sounds like she's not quite right in the head. I'd be polite but otherwise ignore her. The behaviour of the other mum's might be because they're intimidated by her and don't want to be the next victim so try to suck up a bit. Focus on whatever it takes to keep ds happy in his peer group and ignore the rest.

Oh no! I misplaced an apostrophe! I better change my username immediately or face permanent mn rejection. Weeps.

I hate crap like this! Why do some women act as though they are back in school just because they stand at the school gates?! Definitely ignore her OP, don't even give her head room.
My dd2 is in year 5 and I have never ever been involved with the school mums at the gate. I always wait in my car until the bell has gone and I see the first few kids coming out. Don't have to speak to anyone, other than saying hello to a few I know.

Hum 'The lunatics have taken over the asylum' when she turns up? Pin a 'Kick Me' sign to her back?

Of course not - but hope the thought can give you a giggle next time she does it.

Fuck'em all.

Embarrass her by buying her DC a big present and very publicly give it to her, in front of everyone!

Say, "oh sorry, you couldn't invite us, didn't have space, but here's the gift we were going to give"

Sugar mouse, that is just totally weird passive aggressive behaviour.

Do real people actually behave like that?!