He's so much more sexually experienced than me. Worried that will put him off.

[snappymonday]

Just started dating a new man, who I was introduced to through work. None of my colleagues really know him as he works at a different site.
Anyway, things are going well and we have met up quite a few times and speak almost every day on the phone. He's a bit older than me, good looking, fun, intelligent, etc but I shall get to the point.

He comes across as someone who is an absolute expert the sack! This is a good thing, I know, but thing is, I am not. Well I don't think I am. Have had six partners in my life, three of them long term, but I just don't think I am going to be able to satisfy him as I don't feel as sexually experienced. I like sex, and have experimented with ex partners but not as much as he has and I think he knows this, but I am just worried that sleeping with him may put him off and ruin the chance of an otherwise great relationship. I have a tendency to come across as a bit shy when in a new relationship, then gain confidence and let go after a while.

Any experience of getting together with someone so much more experienced than yourselves, helpful mumsnetters? How did you not let lack of experience or confidence get in the way at first? Did it work out? Tips please as worried about taking it further! Verging on ending it as not wanting to embarrass myself ....!

I think it's very odd that he has told you about sex with previous partners and gone into detail. It would be weird enough to do this AFTER you were in a sexual relationship, but to do this beforehand is v strange. He wants to intimidate you; make you insecure. I'm also unconvinced about the situations around strangers approaching him when you are out. In my experience and opinion people don't generally approach a stranger unless they have been given a strong come on/non-verbal invitation to do so. I just don't buy this. I'd watch yourself with this guy - he sounds like a player.

The more I think about it, the more I bet this guy hasn't done any of the things he is bragging about with his exes. He has probably got so used to boasting about his 'exploits' with his mates, he's forgotten none of it happened (IMHO)
Even if it has - so what?
He sounds pretty insecure to me.

I have slept with a lot of men and it's my business. I would never share that with a partner, especially at the very beginning of a relationship. It strikes me that he's like one of the 'I'm mad, me, you won't be able to keep up if you come out with me on Friday because I'm kraaazeeeeee mad!' people you get in most offices.

In other words, I think he doth protest too much.

I wouldn't like all this oversharing of detail about previous exploits. I think that would make me feel very uncomfortable, unable to relax. Could that be what's really going on for you OP?

Can't you tell a bit what it's going to be like from the talking, touching, kissing, being close that has happened already? That's where sex starts IMO, not at some point where you've decided this is it and get undressed - that just seems a bit cold, somehow.

I just wanted to say how much I loved HoneyBadger's post! Intimacy is where it's at, not a massive range of 'experience' to check off a list.

I'm sorry he just sounds like a total knob to me.

Not interested in who he's shagged and how, some men have high scores and remain shit in bed.

I would take his self-promotion with a pinch of salt, I'd be more concerned that sex would be a let down, than being overwhelmed by his awesomeness.

Personally, I couldn't bring myself to shag him to find out.

Experience is more complex than notches. This man is very inexperienced at how to woo a woman. He's said all the wrong things and made himself look like a dick.

There's no such thing as being 'good' in bed across the board, as others have said, some people have more experience and more confidence than others, but that's no guarantee of a positive sexual experience. Sensitivity is key - just what this guy lacks.

It's great to have so many opinions. Thank you.
I, just like my friends, suspect he's not actually all that!
When he's touched me, kissed me, I've felt great and he's been very tender and loving. I actually asked him about his past exploits as I am nosey and also as I had had a bit too much to drink...that's where the information came from. He didn't offer it.

He has had two long term relationships in his life and in between lots of short term partners. He says he is ready for another long term r/s now and wants it with me. I imagine he might be quite different in a long-term r/s to how he has been with one night stands and flings. I've never had a one-night stand, just a couple of FWB situations and three 4/5/6 year relationships.

I agree that the whole strangers approaching him is odd and I just don't get it. Maybe he is giving them the come on, maybe to show me how in demand he is or something! No idea about that one!

thanks hellonheels - was worried i'd disappeared into a waffly little world of my own

My opinion has changed, he is a knob. Why would he be telling you what he got up to with previous partners. That shows a complete lack of respect. Dump and count your blessings.

I asked my husband about 'past exploits' before we got together but he didn't go into detail about sexual preferences of previous gfs & random net shags - that's way more info than you need. It's a bit offputting tbh.

think about it this way - it SEEMS that he is already trying to make you feel insecure and inferior and he is talking about his ex's intimate lives to you.

he is telling you who he is.

i really would run for it if i was you.

by the way your previous ex's and you taking a 50/50 initiative and lead role in sex sounds pretty healthy to me.

I think he is possibly over-stating his claim to fame.

I once met a man who claimed that he could see into a woman's brain while giving her oral sex.

He certainly didn't get the chance to get any insight into my psyche, that's for sure!

I've just spat me tea out, thanks Branching and [arf]. That's not where I keep my brain, ta very much...

I've spent the last 10 years in an unconnected sexual relationship and I can tell you that all I want is that connection. I don't care how 'experienced' someone is I just want them to want to connect with me.

Thats what I miss so much.

I can't understand people divulging so much detail about previous partners. I'd hate it because I'd have images of him doing his sexual acrobatics while sleeping with me!

I'm afraid I'm also in the 'he sounds like a knob' camp. I've slept with lots of men. It's not something I've ever discussed in advance of sleeping with someone (or at all on the whole!)

You're all probably right - he's a knob. But whether he's a knob or not a knob, he's got a knob , and as I haven't had sex in a long while I am going to find out if he is really as good in bed as he comes across!!! I will let you know what I find out! Either way if there's no connection (in bed) then it won't be the relationship for me, but I need to find this out.

But whether he's a knob or not a knob, he's got a knob.. and I haven't had sex in a long while

Can't really argue with that.

That last post made me laugh OP

Good luck with the knob

He sounds as if he is one of those all talk and no action types. Still I might be wrong.

just take precautions to not get your head fucked too then.

He sounds like a bullshitter. What kind of person talks about previous shags to someone they fancy? Or asks what 'tricks' you do? It's not a bloody performance! Sounds like you need to review your taste in men OP.

Oooh that DR John gets about doesn't he?

doesn't he - without the photo this time though thankfully. can i be arsed to report it again? it must be soon about to go poof across the board surely talisa?