when will it ever get better?

[newgirl0000]

Just joined tonight as I'm stuck in a place I want to get out of and would like advice off someone who has gone through the same as me.

Basically split with my long term husband because of his drinking and his inability to take responsibility of being a family man. I told him I couldn't tolerate this any more and he moved out. I thought that maybe he would live the life he seemingly craved for a while (hanging out with lads half his age etc) then see what he had lost in his family, wife and home. How wrong. He never tried to make amends.

I found out some months later he was seeing someone.I think she was on the cards all along. A drinker like him and from what I can gather more suited than I was. My life seemed to revolve around my children, work and trying to provide stability and I was a nag.The 1 who tried to get him to take care of his responsibilities as a father.The reality check. I was completely floored and felt such sadness that I couldn't even sip water let alone eat. The worst thing was that they both lived round the corner from me and he did not care if I saw them together or even worse, have any insight into my feelings. Too afraid to go out of the house in case I saw them. He would lie and say he had to work instead of having the children and he was really with her. Now he still hardly ever sees his children and when he does he doesn't engage at all. Whilst living in the same town.

Anyway one day something just clicked. Since last year I've been on the up!. My little family is much happier and I've found a new lease of life. I began to care that bit less and by the look of him she wasn't making him very happy. I thought things had fizzled out. Until I saw them again yesterday. Him driving her around in a car I bought. Sitting there like lady muck. I imagine them together. All sorts go through my head and the terrible feelings have returned. I wouldn't want him near me but I

sit and wonder what she has that is worth losing his wife and kids for. Its been a year. Just when I thought I was ok here I am again. When will this feeling ever go? I just need some advice on how to handle this

Think about his bad points. Realistically that's what she is stuck with, they will manifest in this relationship sooner or later. I think you've had a great escape from him.

Also it was down to him leaving. Maybe he just couldn't handle the responsibility of a wife and children. It's a big job and a lot of men just can't handle it. I'm sure in years to come he will realise how terrible his behaviour was towards you all but I suppose that's no consolation to you right now. However it will be on his conscience.

Please carry on as you were, loving your life, children and being free of him

My opinion is that its the drinking lifestyle he wants and that as she is also a drinker then she slots in. If she stopped the same kind of lifestyle as your ex then im guessing she would be dropped instantly.

This is just a wobble. Think about what you've achieved since he left.
Your kids are happy and you've got to a good place.
I've been split from my DS's dad for 2 years now and I rarely even think of him and OW now, although sometimes something happens that brings it all up again.
Try to focus on the positives - she's stuck with him and you're free! You have your kids and he has booze. How sad.
He will regret this in years to come, but tough!

It will get better, promise!

Thank you for your replies. It helps and I will tell myself these things. I just can't ever imagine ever seeing them together without feeling hurt. It all seemed so easy for him to walk away. Maybe I'm just waiting for him to fight for us and tell me he was wrong. Just need to accept that he is 1 of life's victims. Nothing is ever his fault and it's an apology I'll never get.