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Relationships

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Original poster

Nocturnal emissons

17 replies

AnonEmouse · 06/09/2006 10:49

Have changed my name for this one.

I just feel sad and scared this morning. My husband and I were woken up by the baby this morning in the wee small hours. She wouldn't settle, so he brought her into our (huge enormous) bed between us. We tried to go back to sleep, but I think neither of us could manage it - although the baby was asleep immediately, taking over most of my side. I turned on my side away from him - in the little space I had left - and then gradually the bed started shaking. I realised that he was turned away from me, wanking.

I'm sure he thought I was asleep. I also think he thought it would help him sleep, as he has a presentation today at work, very busy etc.

There's just something terribly depressing about your husband masturbating next to you. Particularly since I don't feel that my attitude to sex has got back on track since the birth. I almost feel these days like I'm going to have a panic attack when he comes near me. Something I suppose I should really talk to him about.

The baby is nearly a year old, so the birth is not even an immediate event. And yes - I do intend to move her to her own room, but we have builders in at the moment.

Just felt the need to offload.

OP posts:

StrawberryMoon · 06/09/2006 10:51

...im sure you will get lots of support here but my reaction was shock..id be devestaed if my dp laid next to me and one year old and had a wank!!!..couldnt he have gone to bathroom!

Original poster

AnonEmouse · 06/09/2006 10:52

Ditto the builders. We're using the ensuite. Which as yet doesn't afford much privacy for anything.

Are you shocked at the proximity or the act itself? Why really would the bathroom be any better?

OP posts:

StrawberryMoon · 06/09/2006 10:56

because i would say the majority of people do it.
yes i would be upset esp as you dont feel same about sex as you did and he's 'rubbibg your nose in it' so to speak..but yes proximity and decency for me.
if he feels he can do that next to you, you should feel able to tell him to get a room!
or go intot he shed

shimmy21 · 06/09/2006 10:59

Poor you, but please please don't take it to heart. After reading many many threads on MN about male 'habits' I can assure that your dh was only doing the same as every other male does or would. It doesn't 'mean' anything at all about you or his feelings towards you. Men wank in the same way that they scratch an itch - as minor relief to a temporary urge. They just do not 'get' that we women may take it as a personal statement.

And don't go worrying about your baby being in the bed. Your baby was asleep and your dh is just lazy - no way was he going to get out of bed!

AvaLou · 06/09/2006 11:01

Was he awake at the time?
Odd question, but I ask beause my DH has been known to do it whilst fast asleep, even snoring too, which is more funny than shocking really.

AvaLou · 06/09/2006 11:01

Gosh he wouldn't thank me for revealing that to all and sundry. Oh well.

Original poster

AnonEmouse · 06/09/2006 11:04

Thanks for the responses.

I'm not worried about the baby being in the bed. That was just incidental. I don't have any dark fears about him on that front.

But am I being naive? Do people in relationships still masturbate regularly?? I've always felt that it's sort of taking away from the 'marital bed', as it were. Maybe I'm just seeing it as a depressing moment in our relationship because I seem to have a bit of a problem at the moment.

We don't have a shed at the moment either. We do have some walls and a roof though - so it's not all bad.

OP posts:

Original poster

AnonEmouse · 06/09/2006 11:06

I did wonder about the awakeness. I've just never been aware of someone having a fully fledged wank in their sleep like that. His nocturnal habits usually just extend to mumbling.

OP posts:

Piffle · 06/09/2006 11:07

Mine asks first. I am not bothered by it at all.
He has high sex drive I don't. I think it is an excellent compromise.

HappyDaddy · 06/09/2006 11:19

Nowt wrong with a quick tug in the bed. No way I'd even consider it with baby in the bed, though. That's just wrong.

misdee · 06/09/2006 11:21

nothing wrong with it IMO.

PeachyClairHasBadHair · 06/09/2006 11:36

I find it a bit odd with baby in bed, but then ds2 was conceived whilst Sam was in the same room as us (in a cot aged about 5 months mind you) so I don't know, maybe I'm being a bit odd worrying about it.

RE: Men wanking i relationships, those who don't (as my Dh claims to be) are just liars, albeit usually kindly ones trying to spare their partners feelings. Men wank, they always will that's a fact. It has nothing to do with 'us'. Now, if I offered DH a shag and he turned it down for a wank I'd be bothered, but erm, can't see that LOL!

My bggest concern? That you are married to this chap and have a child with him, yet you cannot discuss such a basic aspect of male behaviour with him. That I find bizarre!

Bozza · 06/09/2006 11:39

I personally would have been peeved at him disturbing my precious sleep more than anything else.

bubblez · 06/09/2006 11:45

I agree with peachyclair regards 'nothing being wrong with it' unless 'he turns down sex for a wank' which would be rather strange and worrying.

I think all men do it and most women. It's deffinately not a reflection on you but as shimmy21 said a "minor relief to a temporary urge".

The only thing that I would personally not like is the fact that the baby was in the same bed. Same room, is ok, but IMO same bed is inappropriate.

If I was you I would have prodded him in the back and told him to do his business elsewhere (or at least wait until baby is out of the bed).

bubblez · 06/09/2006 11:46

BTW I wasn't quoting PeachyClair directly just giving the gist of what I got from what she said.

PeachyClairHasBadHair · 06/09/2006 12:17

That seemed a good (and politer ) summing up Bubblez

wartywarthog · 06/09/2006 12:17

i don't think it's anything to worry about. he might have been in his sleep, but so what if he wasn't? having a wank is absolutely no reflection on you. he was probably doing it to get back to sleep, i would have probably moved the baby to the crib and joined in tbh!

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