My 3 year old travelling 3 hours to see his dad...

[sazpep]

I need to know peoples views on the following topic, I am at a loss as to where to go next with this -
My son's father moved a 3 hour drive away 6 months after we split up, previously to him moving he had our son at least 2-3 days and evenings a week. But due to the length of the drive, I told him that I was only happy with our son travelling once a fortnight fro the weekend and this is what we have now been doing. His mother picks up my 3 year old son and his daughter (from a different relationship) on a Friday afternoon and takes them down until the Sunday afternoon. It has been getting later and later on collecting him Fridays, it used to be between 4 and 5pm, then between 5 and 6pm but now (due to his daughter having a late dance class) it will be changing to 6.40pm! This means that he will not get there until around 9.40pm. I have told him that this is far too late and we need to look at other ways that he can see his son.
He thinks that I am being unreasonable and that he will still get collected on every other Friday....where do I go from here?! I want him to see his dad as I know how important that is and he is a good dad but I just feel that it is getting too late for him. Can I have some advice please??!! Thank you

It's once a fortnight. It's not a school or nursery night so your son can sleep in the next morning. He can also presumably sleep on the journey.

This wouldn't bother me unduly at all in your situation. Are you sure you are not just looking to find fault?

Can he not have his dinner and get into pyjamas before he goes in the car? I wouldn't stress about it (am assuming he'll sleep in the car)

It's an odd set-up for him to expect his mother to play taxi, delivering various children to their absent father who has chosen to live so far away Zero effort required on his part but six hour round trips for two kids and granny? I would be suggesting he came and stayed with his mother occasionally. Saw the DCs at her place.

Good idea from Oddfodd - as long as DS looks forward to seeing his dad and is well cared for when he's there, starting the weekend by hopping into the car in his pyjamas makes it quite an adventure for a kid.
A later night at the weekend now and again won't hurt your DS, anyway. Routines are all very well but if they are too rigid, you end up with a kid who's inflexible and easily upset which can cause all sorts of aggro.

not an issue - he ahs dinner early, goes n car in pyjamas.

why cant dad come stay with his mother sometimes ?

Basically, he moved and now expects everyone to revolve round his life, good dad or not. Why doesn't he come to his mum's once a fortnight?? Why did he move so far away??

9:40 pm arrival would not be an issue for me. Don't see a problem with it.

Aside from anything else, how confident are you in your ex-MIL's driving abilities?

What Cogito said. I agree with SGB about routines needing an element of flexibility, but this setup of Ex's mum facilitating his minimal contact with (and playing long distance chauffeur to) his assorted children just says irresponsible manchild to me.

The effort isall on the children's side while the convenience is all on his. I would not be happy either and would push for a solution like Cogito's suggestion.

Good idea from cog. He could come and stay with his mother sometimes.

As for the 9.40pm arrival, it would bother me but don't think it's a reason to stop him going. If have him in pjs before he left. I must say I wouldn't be happy with my dc going off I'm a car for a 3 hour drive. Selfish of him to move away IMO.

Six hours twice a month is a lot. I would be less worried about the late hour and more worried about him being cooped up in a car seat for so long, so regularly, when he could be doing something that's good for him. In one year that's a full week (seven 24-hour days) of his life spent in a metal cage while his dad potters about doing the gardening or whatever. Definitely get dad to take on some of that wasted lifetime.

Definitely get dad to take on some of that wasted lifetime.

Agree. Dad should do the travelling as much as possible.

I don't think that leaving just before bedtime is a big deal. I think you are creating a problem where there isn't one.