How to approach my friend

[MissLoveHearts]

I have two kids and my friend is currently going through IVF and not coping with it too well. They have been trying for a baby for three years and this is her first round of IVF. I have done everything I can to make things easier for her, I think I only saw her twice when I was pregnant with my 10 month old son because I didnt want to flaunt pregnancy in her face, even though I was very ill throughtout it and needed her. And now my husband and I are trying for a third baby. I know it will only be a short amount of time before I fall pregnant and I was wondering the most sensitive way to tell her without messing with her IVF cycle... Any advice would be great!

I wouldn't tell her anything. Not until you're actually pregnant. And even then, not until you're ready to share the news generally.

Tell her at the same time as you tell everyone else. I think hiding your pregnancy, avoiding the subject or treading on eggshells around her is not the way forward.

How do you "know" it will only be a short time before you are pg, incidentally ?

And what cog said. Stop treating her like a "special case". Unless she specifically asked you to make yourself scarce during your last pg, I would have been very upset by that.

I have always fallen pregnant very quickly.. I am just very fertile luckily.
She has asked that I only see her without my kids recently... so from there I know she isnt in the right frame of mind

I would avoid the topic of pregnancy and children with her tbh.

I get so annoyed at people who take out their frustrations on others. It's not your fault she can't conceive but just because you can then she can't face it. I suppose once she has her baby then she'll be your friend again! All I will say is your very understanding.

I'm sorry but that's a horrible thing for her to ask, that you see her without your DCs. I realise she's not coping well but she can't honestly think she can avoid children or pregnant women wholesale. It's unreasonable. I get it that you want to be sensitive and that you want to be a friend but I don't think you're getting the same consideration in return.

The fact thar yu

The fact that you are on here asking advice shows what a lovely and thoughtful friend you are.

As others have said I wouldn't mention it until you are pregnant. There's really nothing more you can do. I went through IVF three times and it does turn you into the kind of person you don't want to be - the drugs don't help! I hope that I was there for my pregnant friends and friends who already had DC when they needed me.

OP I always got pregnant really quickly as well but then when I was trying for #3 it took 7 goes which all failed before we finally gave up. Don't count your chickens.

I do hope you get pregnant soon, but if or when you do please make sure you tell your friend rather than her finding out by chance.

I don't think telling her will mess with her IVF cycle. You are over thinking this, leave well alone until you are actually pregnant.

Ah, with the new info, I think your friend is out of order no matter what problems she has conceiving

Life goes on, innit

I had fertility problems and needed years of treatment to conceive my two so I am not talking out of my arse. I wanted my friends to just get on with their life, and include me in it, as normal. I hated to sense pity and I hated to be treated any differently. In fact, any whiff of a head tilt and I was out of there...

You have a difficult situation there

Certainly don't be mentioning how 'very fertile' you are. Gosh! Lucky old you indeed

I'm of the opinion that you should cross the bridge once you get to them. See if you are lucky enough to fall pregnant quickly with your third and then see what her situation is with her IVF treatment.

As a woman who only had to look at my DP the first time but unfortunately in trying to conceive no.2 we have had lots if problems and miscarriages. I find seeing pregnant women far harder than little babies. So the later the better for me in terms of finding out I would imagine.