Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Did he ever ask to come back?

35 replies

WellWhoKnew · 16/06/2014 22:21

If you were in a long term relationship/marriage, and you chucked him out for having an affair, or he left of his own accord.

Did he ever ask to come back?

What did you do?

Hypothetical pondering, tis all.

OP posts:
Onmyownwith4kids · 16/06/2014 22:24

Yes he lay on the floor like a big baby. Said he'd made the biggest mistake of his life, begged to try again then carried on with the affair behind my back. He's just posted naked photos of her on Facebook so all the wailing about not managing to live without me was clearly not terribly sincere.

foadmn · 16/06/2014 22:59

yes, he did. i refused. because, as i told him, if we got back together we'd both be on hold, each looking for something better.

Hissy · 16/06/2014 23:05

Treated me like a dog for years, made my life hell on earth. When I finally got free, after a couple of years, he asked to 'try again', he still asks. At least now I can say no without bursting into laughter.

It still makes me giggle at his surprise that I won't give him another shot.

Lovingfreedom · 16/06/2014 23:15

I would never have him back no matter how much he cried, protested, begged, charmed or threatened suicide...just say no!

TortillasAndChocolate · 16/06/2014 23:17

My ex left me and my now 3 year old DS for OW two years ago. They are still together and he hasn't asked to come back. But he doesn't seem like a man who is happy although occasionally he tells me he is and that he's so glad he left me Grin

I have no idea if he regrets anything. I suspect he does or that he will at some point - but he may never tell me even if he does. But the more time that passes, the less it really matters.

I do want to be happier than he is though - it sounds silly but it's just how I feel. I hate the thought that those two could be happy together when they caused me so much hurt.

FolkGirl · 17/06/2014 06:25

Mine did. I didn't even consider it.

FolkGirl · 17/06/2014 06:29

He dumped the OW and made a big effort to get me back (well to try and repair his damaged image). She had 4 months off work with 'stress' (everyone knew and work regarded them both pretty badly). He failed to win me back, had a breakdown, and then got back together with her because he felt the need to "salvage" something from the situation.

It lasted a year before she dumped him.

I'm having a whale of a time.

Smilesandpiles · 17/06/2014 09:09

Yes. I told him not to contact me again. He's now back with the one he cheated on me with.

hellsbellsmelons · 17/06/2014 09:17

Yes mine too.
The only time he's ever admitted to being wrong.
I tried not to laugh but there was not a chance in hell I'd have taken him back.
I'm much happier now.

kentishgirl · 17/06/2014 09:17

Mine didn't.

He did, however, right in the middle of it all kicking off (about 2 weeks after, while we were still living in same house, before he went to live with OW) ask me to go to see a movie with him. He 'missed me'. He 'wanted to be friends'. Bollocks to that.

Onmyownwith4kids · 17/06/2014 10:43

It's interesting to see how pathetically similar these men are

Hesaysshewaffles · 17/06/2014 11:01

Yes...1.5 years later but it's too late. I offered him a chance over a year ago to try again and he threw it back in my face and couldn't cut it off with OW.

guitarosauras · 17/06/2014 11:03

yes, told me that we could get a dog if he could come back! twat.

I now live with the most amazing man.... and our dog!

Original poster
WellWhoKnew · 17/06/2014 13:21

It amazes me how many of these men 'hedge their bets' by keeping on with the affair, but hoping you'll change your mind.

OP posts:
yoyo27 · 17/06/2014 13:51

Yes. I did for the sake of our four children. He came back, slept on the sofa. Nine weeks on he was still on the sofa. One day he asked me to get his bag out the car. Phone was there. I checked it.

He had still been seeing her all along.

Broke my heart a second time x

Wrapdress · 17/06/2014 14:02

My dad went back and forth, moving in and out, at least 3 times and has been married to the original OW for 18 years now. (There were two marriages between the affair with the OW and actually marrying the OW.) It's about 25 years after my parent's divorce, but if he walked in my mother's door today asking her to take him back, she would in a minute. She's an idiot. Mother has been waiting for him to return all this time, not dating other men, nothing. She said she married him to life and that's just that.

Butterflyspring · 17/06/2014 14:05

yep - came back twice, told a pack of lies, he dumped the OW, she kicked off - he scuttled back. If I ever see him again it will be too soon.

LineRunner · 17/06/2014 14:09

The first time he did and he did stay with me and the toddler and baby. The second time he didn't even fucking dare ask.

The day he finally left I was so hurt, but looking back he did me a massive favour.

myown2feetaregreat · 17/06/2014 15:04

Yes
Stupidly I let him
Made a "huge mistake" he said, "I was and will always be the love of his life" and many other such platitudes, blah, blah, blah!

Month in from discovery, I found a card from him to her, along with his scribblings of asset division, pension calculations etc. Had I not discovered this our joint account would be very much lighter as he was planning to use the funds for a deposit on another property.
His new found commitment to me was Oscar worthy!

My life then turned into a living hell as he refused to move out again ,(she not being ready at the other end). One night he took his frustrations out on me when very drunk and I ended up in casualty with a broken nose. That was the leverage to remove him.

Wished I had MN back then.

I do want to be happier than he is though - it sounds silly but it's just how I feel. I hate the thought that those two could be happy together when they caused me so much hurt.

T & C ,Agree, your day will come. FWIW I saw ex and ow in town together, they have morphed into the teletubbies, comfort eating/drinking, he in particular looks bloated and old and not very happy. Did my spirits a world of good Smile

Waves to WHK keep on keeping on, you will get there. hugs

myown2feetaregreat · 17/06/2014 15:08

WWK oops

Original poster
WellWhoKnew · 17/06/2014 15:13

Thanks myown. I will do but I suspect he won't be very happy 'bout that.

OP posts:
Illustrated · 17/06/2014 15:15

Yep!

He left me and our 10 month old after I found him on a hook up site. He said family life was too much for him.

After begging and trying to make it up to me for a month I found out he was still sleeping with other people Hmm

Every now and again he will beg to come back, he even says he wanted us to have another baby! Its been a year and now he mostly just moans about how much of a mistake he's made and how unhappy he is.

ravenmum · 17/06/2014 15:24

Does it never work out well? I got a Relate book entitled "Moving on" and was perplexed to find most of it is about how you might stay together instead. Neither of us is interested in that right now, waste of money! And the whole idea that it might work out just sounds so unlikely ...

I like the dog story.

GreatAuntDinah · 17/06/2014 16:18

Yes. I did, then he left again for the OW who lived overseas, despite begging me to take his passport off him to save him from himself Hmm

HerRoyalNotness · 17/06/2014 16:20

Yes, just before the 2yr deadline of divorce, weirdly enough. He'd been in a LTR and said, see, it proves I can do it. erm....... no thanks. Shortly after, his LTR was pregnant and they were getting married. He refused to sign the divorce papers.

What.A.Wanker.