DH and I will have been married for 10 years this October. We married each other 3 months after meeting overseas (he's foreign) and we have 3 DCs (6, 5 and 3).
DH has always had a temper. I should have left when he became aggressive and violent not long after meeting, bit I was young and stupidly in love so I always bit my tongue and strived for the best. He is a very direct person and doesn't hold back when coming forward. However, the past 10 years has given both good times and bad, but this time last year, he hit me hard on the nose, causing me to suffer with headaches for a while after. I was too scared to go to the police but I did report it to the GP. I told him that I wanted to leave and went as far as getting legal advice etc until a friend of his sat him down and spoke to him, and DH ended up turning the tables and wanting to work things out. I was reluctant, but felt in a way that I didnt really have many other options.
Fast forward a year. He will still constantly pick at the slightest things, and over time they have built up so much that sometimes I do not even recognise myself anymore. I have held all my feelings in. I actually wish for him to go out of the house with his friends just so I can have time where I dont feel nagged or like Im walking on eggshells. I even persuaded him to go visit friends in Holland last week just so I could have a few days without him. He came back Thursday night. I hadnt thought of him once whilst he was gone. I didnt see him until Friday morning, and straight away the criticisms started about how I was careless enough to leave the window open etc. I just snapped. I had had three days of peace and then he comes back and starts with the lectures straight away.
I told him that Id had enough, that I was sick of being constantly put down, to be made to feel like nothing was ever good enough. I openly told him that I didnt love him anymore. He grabbed me by the neck and spat in my face. To be honest its something I should be used to but for the first time, I told him that I wasnt putting up with him anymore. I should have phoned the police, but again, fear got the better of me. Thankfully the children didnt witness this.
I have no surviving family and with him being Turkish, his family are overseas. They are the most loving and kindest people I know, and I certainly dont know where he has got this behaviour from. Our youngest DD is over there at the moment on holiday (I have no concerns for her welfare at all- we speak daily on Skype). His Mum has always stood by me through thick and thin, and as of yet they dont know what is going on.
So we argued Friday. I told him I wasnt prepared to leave as I didnt want the kids being disrupted. We currently live in rented property above the coffee shop that we run. Both business lease and rent contract are in his name. We also own a house that was left to me by my Mum, but we re-mortgaged and so both our names are on the title deeds. It is currently up for sale and in a different city so obviously neither of us want to go there.
We havnt spoken since Friday. He told me that he doesnt need me to work in the shop anymore. I have slept in with the kids since it happened. I went to CAB today who have arranged an appointment with a solicitor for a free half hour session tomorrow. I brought the kids home from school today and he took them to one side and started talking to them saying that as long as they loved him he would be there for them to buy them things, and that they would be able to stay with him over summer in Turkey and once they're old enough they can move over there too. WTF?? I was that angry that I kept my mouth shut because I didnt want a confrontation in front of the kids but I was fuming. How dare he try turn them against me.
Im just so unsure about what Im supposed to feel. I know this isnt going to be an easy ride. He also said to the kids that this was 'his house'. I need to find out my rights regards the housing situation. Surely he cant throw me out even though Im not on the tenancy agreement? I have no feelings left for him at all. The only thing Im worried about is him turning his family against me. Theyre the only family I have.
I dont even know what I wanted from this post, but I just had to get it all out 