Fed up with everything right now

[veryrandomnamechange]

I have come to realise that I just hate my life at the moment.

My family are awful; I have very little contact with my parents and sister as I've always been the black sheep and they are toxic. They don't behave like a normal loving family would do.

My DH treats me like dirt; he's very moody, and frequently in a bad mood therefore his mood casts a shadow over the house all the time. I am treated like a domestic appliance, and he takes me for granted. I feel like I cannot be myself any longer and just spend my whole time pacifying him or tiptoeing around.

I have been a SAHM for 9 years. I have looked into getting a part time job as a care assistant but they wanted references and the last two companies that I worked for years ago both no longer exist. I have literally no one that could provide a reference for me. I have a small business idea that would only cost a couple of hundred for me to start, which we could afford, but DH isn't keen for me to start it (yet moans at me because I do not work).

My friends do not care about me either. Everyone I come across is either incredibly self absorbed. I have just seen a friend this afternoon and said to her that I'm feeling a bit low and she did not even acknowledge I'd spoken and carried on talking about something non-serious that her DD saw the doctor about today.

I just feel totally overlooked in life, and that life is passing me by. I just want to be happy. I am on antidepressants and still feel rubbish half the time.

Step 1: try to accept that your family is the way they are and there is little you can do to get that idyllic family image you have in your head. Once you come to terms with that, you'll feel lighter

Step 2: Talk to your husband. Tell him why you don't like being treated the way he treats you. Tell him why you are down and that for a marriage to work, you need to operate as a team. Talk calmly and tell him that you can't go on this way and that you want to be the happy unit I assume you were once were.

Step 3: while talking to your husband, tell him that you will be taking the money you need to start up the business out of your family account (payment for looking after kids for 9 years). Set up your business. It will give you something to focus on and a sense of purpose.

Step 4: find something that makes you happy. Walking out in nature, doing some kind of hobby, getting some exercise, baking - whatever it is that makes you feel happier, do it. You are allowed to do things for yourself. Remember that.

If your husband continues to be an arse, then put plans into place to either get counselling to try work on it or plan to leave. But by having your own business, you will have something that can generate you some money and give you something to focus on.

Hang in there.