I suppose I am posting this for reassurance more than anything- I am sure I will also get some negative responses.. anyhow
2.5 years ago I started a relationship with a man nearly 13 years my senior. I fell madly in love- I'd just turned 27 and him 40. Anyway, at the time when I met him he told me he was going through divorce and he had been separated and living apart from his 'wife' on and off for over a two years but this time it was permanent. He also has a child from this relationship, a girl who was at the time nearly 4. I know in hindsight I was naive and silly but anyway... 6 months into the relationship things started to unravel and it turned out that he hadn't actually even started divorce proceedings. We almost broke up.. he begged and pleaded told me things would be sorted and convinced me to rent a place with him. So we moved in together.
At the time, the conditions of moving in together were that he sorted out his martial status, and that I met his daughter. Needless to say, I only met his daughter a year later- so 1.5 years into our relationship and things still hadn't progressed in terms of his martial status. In fact, I finally met his daughter after I broke up with him and moved out. So, almost as a sign of his 'commitment' I met his daughter. I now have a very close relationship with her and enjoy her very much.
A year later and things still haven't moved on at all bar meeting his daughter. I broke up with him again last December and moved out. Once again he begged me to come back, promised this and promised that.. and like a very weak person I agreed and set out my conditions. Of course, he didn't meet those conditions, despite the promises and in April this year I finally decided to end the relationship for good. Although, I loved him- I just couldn't do it anymore- the stress of his mess- it was just driving me crazy, plus being young, nice and attractive girl - working in the city - with the world at my feet I just thought enough is enough!If he can't treat me right, with all the chances ( too many) I have given him then I want to enjoy being single and when the right man comes along then great!
Well, as you can guess, I then found out I was prego. I decided, that regardless I was going to keep the baby. Despite not part of the plan- I just knew that this was something that was meant to be - having this baby- a course of life I was suppose to take...
So despite things not being great- spoke with partner and decided to give it a go trying to do it together. Again, promises promises to sort things etc. Well another 2 months have past and he is still legally married in every way. He has all his finances with his 'wife'. Even his salary goes into a joint account with her. She lives in the martial house, he rents. Her parents live in a house in South A that they own. They pay for their daughter to go to private school and mother is going on a few holidays this year that doubtful she could afford if their salary wasnt still joint. As you may have guessed - she still doesn't know about baby. I'm now three and half months. We haven't told his daughter ( shes 6 1/2 now) because I also believe its only right that her mum knows first.
My partner also is so tight with me. Even though when I moved back in he promised I wouldn't need to pay him the rent ( as I had issues with moving back in with him to pay him money to subsidies him not sorting out his finances with 'wife') . We agreed we would put the money I would usually pay for rent into a pot and save it for us. He went back on that straight away... making me feel guilty telling me that it was 'unfair' on his 'wife' as she would feel as if she was paying for me and manipulating me so I felt like the bad person. So I gave him the silly rent and even paid it into their joint account.
Since I've been prego, he hasn't stepped up. I've told him I'm saving for the baby now and haven't given him rent this month. My parents desperately want me to move home in the interim as they know what stress he is causing me. He is even taking his daughter on holiday in a few weeks and I'm not going because, I can't afford it as I'm saving for things for the baby- he thinks that is fine... hasn't even offered to contribute or pay for me to come with his ( as its a holiday for his daughter and he should want me there) He moans about money all the time with me- but with his 'wife' doesnt matter. He never treats me, hasn't looked into buying baby stuff- does'nt even buy me cheap flowers EVER.
We're supposed to be moving to his mothers in the interim before the baby is born, but now I really don't want to as he has NO plan. Shows no commitment. My view is that at least if I am on my own I have a plan- with him I am always waiting for him to tell me when he's ready to have a plan. So I am 80% I am moving back to my parents in the interim next week.
Any thoughts appreciated.