Need advice on telling a 4yo about her DF leaving, OW and their baby.

[KeepCalmAndLOLKittens]

This is not my situation but that of someone close to me.

For months she has endured bullying and EA from her STBXH. He portrayed her to herself as an unsupportive and money obsessed wife (untrue) and picked fault wr her in every way, alternating with happier periods making her feel sometimes that there was hope. He wouldn't agree to selling one of his many properties or expensive car, so could not work fewer hours. Things escalated to the point that they decided to divorce.

Just a few weeks ago he revealed that he had been having an affair and that the OW was heavily pg. Obviously this was traunatic. He won't leave the property so they hadn't separated and still haven't.

He is now pushing for, when he does leave, immediate overnight access to the DCs. So far my friend has resisted this on the basis that for one thing he hasn't left and for another thing the OW's baby is due.

It isn't appropriate is it? Surely you can't be made to agree to do that to children of any age, let alone 3 and 18mo.

I am going to pull this thread fairly quickly so would appreciate advice in anyone who can offer it please. I am trying my best to support her but she is struggling to stand up to him.

What can I advise her to do about his ongoing emotional abuse of her, too?

I personally would just say no to him and let him take her to court where she has proof his an cheating rat who got another woman pregnant while still married and living with his wife and two toddler children.

What an pig him and the ow are. I feel for your friend as It sounds like an story out of Jeremy Kyle.

Obviously she needs to get legal advice ASAP.

And in conjunction with her solicitor, she should set out a schedule for access that she believes best meets the needs of the children - both current needs and also probably featuring a longer term plan once they are more used to the situation.

Then it's up to him to either accept the contact offered or take her to court - which will buy her a bit of breathing space and he goes there with proof of how reasonable she is being re the children.

Needless to say he is a cunt.

But in terms of his EA, she needs legal support to get him out and she then needs a plan for setting and maintaining appropriate boundaries -eg doorstep pick up and all communication by text / email.

she needs a lawyer

surely she can see that his behaviour is so reprehensible that she (a) cannot allow him to bully her and (b) that any court would favcour her

I also think she should speak to a health visitor/social services as his behaviour will damange children

at least he has fucked off though! seriously this OW is a blessing- he can make someone else miserable

she needs to study her rights, and assert herself

xx

Don't get me wrong, she is no walkover. It's just the he is persistent and last night he chose late I the night while she was dealing with the toddler (if course she was, he cherry picks the best of them) and criticised her for hours.

Funny what you say about Jeremy Kyle. That's what I think too, but this man is status obsessed and achingly upper middle class. He is professionally in a position which puts him in contact with potentially vulnerable. He is an utter sleaze and it disgusts me.

Social services - this is what I am trying to suggest but I wasn't sure if I was overreacting. She is also vulnerable because he wields most of the financial power and he is trying to sweat her out by not contributing and cutting his working hours. She risks financial ruin if she takes him on. My feeling is that she should do it anyway.

God I HATE him.

She does know her rights and so far is exercising them. He is very tenacious though. Sometimes she is on the verge of simply giving in and I am trying to support her past those points. It's me who's legally uninformed.

And the problem is he hasn't entirely fucked off. I wish he would.

Yesterday he moved the OW into their bolt hole. Today she is gov

Shit posted too soon. Actually I've changed my mind and asked for a thread deleton. Please let this one sink.