Absolutely bricking it- exit plan, leaving- but stopping access this week

[pod3030]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a2101846-to-reduce-stop-contact-for-dd-with-abusive-ex-p

Hi,

so my absent abusive ex assaulted me, and is now re-writing history - everyone now seems to think he's been here all along, and i have been stopping him seeing dd- so not true, but i think it's to manufacture a 'normal' for the courts. I am very frightened. dd has been very distressed after visits.

After all the wonderful support i got on here,
I have decided to stop contact as of this week (due weds). I have somewhere to go but can't move for a month. I live round the corner from him. I'm seeing a solicitor weds. i am in constant fear and anxiety at the impending explosion this will set off from him, hoping i can get a non molestation order. Everyone will think i am a terrible person as he is popular. i feel constantly sick and shaky, can't sleep.

I am doing the right thing, i am doing the right thing. Wibble.

You are.
First rule of escaping DV? Avoid. Do not read texts, change number if poss, don't answer the door....and tell nosey parkers that the authorities have suggested you do it.....let them wonder.....
If he turns up, you don't answer and if he won't go away, you ring 999 and give location x

you are doing what you can to survive. that's the right thing to do.

thankyou something

I also have to deal with the fact i have to give up my life as i know it- the friends and circle we share, as i can't run the risk of them letting on, and the disapproval that i am being unreasonable . My support network will get smaller. My parents, though supportive, can't cope with the stress and make it 10 times worse as i feel i need to protect them from it. They are disappointed in me too.

I feel so alone right now.

i'm also absolutely terrified that the courts will force access

You're never alone on here. Ever. You are doing what is right for your child, even if that is the most difficult and isolating path. She is very lucky to have a mother who would do that to keep her safe.

It's hard to not doubt myself.
All my instincts scream- keep her safe, take the hardset path, take the impact. But i have been programmed by him to be super compliant .

Thankyou, i really needed that validation. x

I think it's human instinct to stay with someone who is not good for you rather than be alone, a real pack mentality we find it hard to divorce ourselves from. But no child would choose to grow up in a family in which one partner is abusive, in any form. Hang on in there, you CAN do this. X

Just wanted to add, yes you are doing the right thing. Your Instincts are bang on here. All his talk will probably swirl round Your head, but you are already started Down the right path so ignore as best as you can.
(not sure what's With the random Capital letters.)
Stay safe!

Thankyou people! I managed to take dd swimming, i feel we have this stretch of time before us to keep occupied before we're properly safe. I'm finding it hard to eat or sleep or settle to anything. We've watched far too much cbeebies. x

arg, just made the mistake of looking up in what circumstances i can stop contact- only in very extreme case it seems. and i could be forced to do overnights, if i don't comply they could take my dd away? How is that fair?

Who have you formulated this plan with OP?

You already have a policewoman as witness to his violence towards you. You should see about getting an psychologist to evaluate your dd, if possible, to get another report on your side.
Also get good advice from a lawyer.

plan formulated with advice from next link and womens aid. seeing solicitor weds so will be clearer on the legal stuff then. I just couldn't in the interim week let dd go to ex p. I am going to say she's ill.

Good, you have professionals who can give you clear, accurate advice then. Try not to worry too much until then.