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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What is a 'close' family?

5 replies

Lightshines · 15/06/2014 12:45

I noticed that when meeting new people, one thing they often ask when they find out you have siblings, parents still alive, DCs etc is 'are you close'?

I say yes pretty much automatically, but it occurred to me that actually, I have no idea what the yardsticks are!

So, I have one sister who lives about an hour away. I am the eldest by 2 years, she has 3 DCs and I have 2. We have both been married over 25 years. Dad died but Mum has remarried to a chap who seems to accept us.

As that whole family, we get together at least once a month for a lunch, day out etc. Mum, sis and I keep in touch about every other day using technology, occasional phone call - the 3 of us squeeze in occasional shopping trips, spa days, girlie treats. The older cousins are in regular contact by FB etc. I meet one of my nieces for theatre trips, my DD stays with her at Uni sometimes. We always remember and celebrate birthdays together, as well as Christmas and other holidays. If difficulties or crises arise, we all do what we can to help and have supported each other through bereavement, broken relationships, house moves, sickness, money worries etc. I love them all very, very much and tell them often. This is reciprocated. We moan a bit about each other (!) but are not keen on confrontation so try not to upset one another.

That's my definition of 'close'! Is it yours? If not, what is yours - and are you - close?!

OP posts:
ooooooohnose · 15/06/2014 13:09

sounds wonderful..envious hugs....
do you have a dh...........

I only ask because my dh has a ds, but they only have contact with the obligatory xmas/birthday cards, and she only lives 30 mins away.

we have been married 24 years and only met her about 6 times!!!!!!
(apparently her dh doesn't "like" her to mix!!!!

I have one ds, but she lives abroad and see her maybe once every couple of years.
so, yes, sounds as the close family you ask about, sounds perfect.
luck youxxx

FolkGirl · 15/06/2014 15:31

For me, closeness is more about how you regard each other and how well you communicate with each other rather than proximity or frequency of meeting.

I used to see my mother every week and she still lives a 5 minute drive from me, but we are NC and weren't close before that.

My brother lives an hour away, we speak on the phone about once a month, email more frequently and get together about once every 2 months because of our individual commitments and time constraints. I think we are very close. There is very little we wouldn't tell to/confide in each other.

SmashleyHop · 15/06/2014 15:38

I feel extremely lucky in that DH and I are close to both our families. There isn't a week where I don't see one, if not more of DH's family. We babysit for each other, help with money/housework/travel and cars, and regularly socialize. My family live in the states but we still e-mail, speak and send gifts all the time. We travel back for a month or two every year and even though we are far away I still feel close to them.

Xcountry · 15/06/2014 16:05

I don't have a close family, I was looked after by grandparents who both have now passed but DH does, we live in the same village as we grew up in, his brother and sister both live here with their families, his parents live in the next town with his other brother, his cousins and aunt and uncles live in a village up the road a bit, his grandparents live in another village closeby and everyone sees each other at least once a fortnight.

When we visit each others houses we don't call to make an appointment - we pop in, we don't ring the bell and wait outside, we knock and go in and shout "hello, its me" etc, there are fights and arguments and pettiness but everything gets worked out. Christmas is a HUGE affair and nobody is left out.

We borrow each others cars, lawnmowers, power tools, luggage etc, we babysit eachothers children, watch eachothers pets when we go on holidays. We are 100% loud and if your face but you know if you need someone - in any way - theres always someone to turn to. Sure it can be annoying when everyone knows your business but I wish I had that kind of family growing up.

AdorableAbbie · 15/06/2014 16:06

Well, you've got an ideally close family relationship, Lightshines. I'd say I have the same idea of a close family and we are close as well Wink

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