STBxh & I agreed to split a few months ago. There was no one else involved and no big bust ups, but we weren't happy so we agreed to call it a day.
He doesn't work and is re-training at present, so is unable to afford to move out. As we were getting along we thought the best thing to do would be to continue to share the house until he has finished training (likely to be at least another 3 years, perhaps more) and then once he has finished he would move out to somewhere locally with space for the children (11 & 12) to stay as much as they want.
However, this week there's been a bit of a bust up and it's brought the issue into sharp focus for me. He joked about someone who came to our house in a professional capacity and how attractive he found her ("I really fancied her, like really fancied her") and then didn't understand why I got upset and followed me into another room to try and make me talk about it and got the arse with me when I said I didn't want to talk to him.
The next day I explained that I didn't particularly care about this particular woman and that I had been upset by what I considered his lack of respect for me and that he should realise that I wasn't someone that it was appropriate for him to have bantery conversations with.
He agreed that he had been inconsiderate, apologised and then tried to minimise what he'd said by telling me it was obviously a joke as she was so much younger than him. He also handed me a pamphlet that he had printed off from the internet about counselling, advising me that I needed to talk to someone.
I saw red about this - to my mind it completed changed the issue - the problem stopped being about him being inappropriate and inconsiderate and instead became about my mental health and how I wasn't coping. I couldn't face a row, so I just turned tail and left the room.
We talked about it the next day and it escalated - in his mind the two issues were separate. He'd apologised so that was over and done with and the counselling was a different thing. I felt that he was minimising his own behaviour - that a quick I'm sorry, now you need to go and get some therapy was an insult. Neither of us could see each others point of view (symptom of everything that went wrong with our marriage to be honest) and it quickly escalated.
Now we're not speaking and I just feel that I can't go on for years like this. I want him to move out now - he doesn't really have much money while he's retraining, but he could just about afford it albeit with a much reduced standard of living. Also, the standard of living for me and the children would be reduced too (what little money he does have, he uses almost all of it to contribute to the household. He has barely anything for himself). Also, I work shifts, so am out of the house from 6am until 8.30pm on the 3 days I work. H has been with the children so that I
Am I wrong to want him out? Am I being a bitch for moving the goalposts now? Should I just put up with everything to keep things stable for the children? I don't know what to do and how to make things right for everyone.
Any advice would be much appreciated...