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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

my kids think ex's new girlfriend is stunning, amazing, lovely to mention a few

18 replies

mummysaidno · 15/06/2014 07:53

I feel weird about it, not jealous, we split ages ago and it was me who decided so not that. In fact I can not think about him without bleugh. I have had huge emotions over this though. Of course my kids love me however wonderful she is. Mu girls keep daying how beautiful she is makes me feel :-(

OP posts:
tribpot · 15/06/2014 07:58

I think the reason they're telling you is because they make no association between one and the other. New gf is like a friend to them, you are their mum. There's no comparison. I think you just have to nod and smile and let them tell you about her - and I guess be grateful on some level than the new gf isn't an awful person.

springydaffs · 15/06/2014 08:01

It's shit, though. NOthing like it imo, hits deep - you have my heartfelt sympathy. Fingers crossed that she's an ok person in the long run xx

Finola1step · 15/06/2014 08:02

Agree with tribpot

They talk about her because they do not see her as a replacement. She's just a girlfriend to them. The novelty will wear off.

Focus on the fact that your dc are happy with the situation. Hard as that is.

MmeMorrible · 15/06/2014 08:04

Sympathies OP, that must be gut-wrenching. Time to practice for sainthood by listening and smiling. You're their Mum, no-one can ever be more beautiful and special to them than you.

dollius · 15/06/2014 08:29

Try to see it this way - this is proof that you have protected your DC totally during your separation and that you have behaved impeccably. They do not feel they have to tiptoe around you. You have got well-adjusted, secure DC there. Be proud of yourself!

Original poster
mummysaidno · 15/06/2014 08:45

Dollius thank you, i needed to hear that. I feel its so unfair, I did 20 years of that horrible man, he has been a crap dad and introducing her to them has not been done in a sensitive way. Its been more like look how well I did !!! My daughter has had no contact with him for a year and first thing he said was" you will love my gf, shes gorgeous" twat! I think I sound like a bitch but after the shit he put us through I don't want him to live happy ever after, while I struggle to put food on table. OK rant over, sorry

OP posts:
dollius · 15/06/2014 08:55

No, this is a good place to rant!

Just remember, you are the one your DC totally trust and feel safe with, and that is something that will never change.

DC see through all this sort of crap. They will just think he is a bit of a sad loser when they are older. You, on the other hand, have been a rock for them.

MushroomSoup · 15/06/2014 09:02

It also means they are open to having a brand new relationship with her and, let's face it, our children can never have enough lovely adults looking out for them.

LittleLionMansMummy · 15/06/2014 13:58

Would you feel better if they hated her and were unhappy every time they had to see her? Because that would be the alternative situation. You're their mum and nobody is ever going to challenge that status. They love you in a way they will never love anybody else. Your ex is a dick, but I would feel relieved that his new gf seems to get along with them and they like her. Nothing would make me feel sadder than knowing my kids were miserable every time they left my care. Sounds like the woman actually gives a shit about them. I hope that helps you put things in perspective.

ReallyFuckingFedUp · 15/06/2014 14:04

It's a good thing they like her and that she seems like anice person. It's sad that a beautiful kind woman thinks the best she can do is an arsehole who can't even be a decent human to his own children.

It won't last.

When she realises (as you did) that he's a wanker she will leave him...

MumOfTheMoos · 15/06/2014 14:08

Yep, I think it's a testament to your children's secure-ness that they can gush. And it's. Better that they like her than they don't.

sarinka · 15/06/2014 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

germinal · 15/06/2014 14:19

Oh. That must be really hard Sad but I agree with all the posters who say it speaks to your kids sense of security that they can talk openly about the new partner with you. You must have done an amazing job!!!!!!!!

If your vanity is offended dont worry. Kids dont recognise their mothers as people! It was not until I was an adult (well and truly into late twenties) that I realised my mother was an attractive woman. Even then I was like "what a waste to be an attractive woman when really she was just MY MOTHER and nothing else" Grin.

You are clearly a beautiful mother. Well done x

getthefeckouttahere · 15/06/2014 14:20

Only two ways this can play out..

  1. and when she is long gone and forgotten you will still be their beautiful wonderful mum
  1. She manages to actually put up with your wanker of an ex - your kids have someone they like in their life, better than having a Cruella de Ville.

I do accept though thats it absolutely fucking horrible to have to listen to it though!!! Grrrrrrrrr (and smile)

Stampingmyfeet · 15/06/2014 14:40

Agree with Dollius and Tribpot.

When ex introduced the kids to his girlfriend (before telling me) I felt sick. Not because I wanted him back (oh good God, no), but the thought of another woman around them and being 'better' than me was unbearable. I had to stop drinking for a month just to cope!

Now though, I realise how separate the kids keep the two. I also know how hard it is being a step parent so however shiny everything looks from the outside it's never like that.

Also agree is testament to how loved and secure they feel that they can tell you about her without feeling worried.

It's bloody hard though. Wine

Original poster
mummysaidno · 15/06/2014 15:25

It is hard being a step mum, I brought his child up as mine too, whom he left with me to "find himself" My boys have met her twice now, my 12 year old is feeling a bit cross, he says he has no time with his dad because of his younger brother getting all the attention.(he has autisum) Now all dads spare attention is on gf. (his words)
My girls 13 and 21 have met her and she is"stunning""

I feel like an old hag now , ha ha

OP posts:
Mrscaindingle · 15/06/2014 15:44

I second those saying that its great that your children feel so secure that they are able to tell you about Dads new girlfriend. even better that you don't harbour any feelings of regret about the split.
It must be hard though, I have not yet had to face that and am dreading it when it does happen
The 'stunning' comment would sting though Grin

hamptoncourt · 15/06/2014 17:30

OP these feelings will pass.

If it is any consolation, my teenage DC think it is hilarious to constantly tell me "GF has lovely hair"
"GF lasagne is much better than yours"
"GF has such great taste in clothes and is so stylish"

You get the point..I just smile and laugh and say "Good for her."

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