My DH was made redundant recently and although he is now working, it's in a job with a bit less money than his old job, not a permanent contract as yet and not 100% within his area of expertise - he sees it as a bit of a step down, I think. Meanwhile I've just (3 months) returned to my job after 2 years of mat leave/unpaid leave looking after our twins. I'm in a graduate entry level job despite being in my 30s, because I changed career not long before I had my kids (there were multiple redundancies in my field, most of my friends are retraining now) and had to find something I could walk straight into with no qualifications, as I knew my time was running out to have kids (I have a genetic Thing and recurrent MC). He's earning about twice what I do because he changed career much earlier and with my support did a masters and had the freedom to move where he needed to when he was establishing himself.
DH continues to look for jobs that suit him better, and he's looking both
here and in his home country in Europe. It's a beautiful place, but in my late 30s with no qualifications and fairly ropey language skills I'm unlikely to get a job easily. (He has some fond notion that because there is an international organisation in his home country that does what I do now, they will welcome me with open arms. I think this is unlikely as the competition to get in will be huge, and in any case who wants to bet on getting a job in one organisation?)
Our plan on paper is for him to keep applying for a while in the UK, but to keep his eye on stuff in his country, and if it looks like nothing is doing here, for him to get a job over there. That leaves me with two questions, that I'd love your input on if you've managed to read this far!
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If he goes back to his home country, do I go with him and be a SAHM? I would HATE it. I like working, I like my job. I like having my own money, I hate the idea of being dependant. I don't like his home country particularly: it's clean but boring. Attitudes to women are stuck in about the 1950s. But if I don't go, can I manage to look after 2 toddlers with no backup at all (my family don't live near either)? And the education system out there produces good results, and it is a nice place to grow up in - wouldn't it be a bit shit for them to be kept here in the UK if they could be out there? And anyway what's the future in that - there's no plan in there about either of us moving, ever.
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Even if he stays here, is that anything? He hates it here, or at least, he is very angry a lot of the time and blames it on being in the UK, and phrases it and uses a tone of voice which suggests he blames me for the fact that he is in the UK. It's been like this with a few big decisions in our lives, if it doesn't go his way he will just keep harping on about it and telling me about other people who did what he wants to do and all this shite until I give in. With the moving back to his home country, it's persisted through about 11 years of our 12 year marriage including a spell when we lived in his home country and I tried and failed to get a job. I am really sick listening to it. Currently this is our life: we earn between us about a hundred grand, we have our house paid off, he is on a temporary contract but his work are making all sorts of positive sounds about keeping him on. And he is miserable and thinks everything about life is shit and wants to move us to a place where I won't be working, won't know anyone and won't speak the language well and we will have to take on a bigger mortgage again. (And if we do go, I suspect that giving up my career will simply put off the moaning for a few months until he finds something else that doesn't suit him that he can blame on me).
What do you all think?