Am I being ridiculous or am I right to be upset? And if so, what can I do?

[ChickenDilemma]

DP has DSD 7 y/o and DP and I have 6 month DD together.

I can't help noticing that whenever we see MIL, she always has loads of presents for DSD, but nothing for DD.

I know DD is a baby and completely oblivious, but it's not about the physical stuff, it's more about what it represents - ie MIL is always thinking about DSD and things she'd like but not DD.

I feel like in DP's family's eyes, DSD is 'his' child (and therefore doted on) and DD is 'my' child (so not such a big deal).

There was a big get together with the in laws today and DSD got loads of attention and presents. For some family members it was the first time they'd met DD but no one asked to hold her or really engaged with her. It made me a bit sad when MIL was proudly showing off all the photos of DSD that she's got on her phone. But none of DD.

Am I just being massively precious and PFB? I can't say anything to DP because he'd be really hurt if I was critical of his mum.

I used to telly self I was being silly, but today kind of compounded my fear that DSD is the favoured grandchild.

Yanbu to feel this way. I would think a new baby is more interesting than an older child. I think it's best to share how you feel with your dp, he should notice this too, else this feeling will just build into something bigger.

No , I would have felt pissed off too.

BUT my experience was the opposite where MIL tried to push me out at family gatherings and acted if dd2 was her daughter.

Speak to your dp about it. See if he has noticed? Maybe he can have a word with mil.

And what does your dp say?

Id think a GM whip bought loads of stuff for a 6mo was a right pain tbh.Mile used to turn up with a new stuffed toy every week!

You DD's turn Will come when she's old enough to care - by the DSD won't be so much fun for GM

Oh, someone tell me what the actual point of autocorrect is!

I don't think DP notices. Or if he does, he wouldn't want it to be true IYSWIM.

Maybe DD's still too little and when she's older and more interesting she'll be seen as more of a person in her own right and not just an extension of me.

I don't mean to be harsh but it sounds as though you are jealous of the attention your DSD is getting - she is only a child and presumably she has seen her parents relationship break up so her grandmother maybe wants to 'make her feel special', which in some ways is nice.

Looking back I can remember my grandparents always were especially nice to me, I used to spend much more time with them than my half-siblings did . But they spent a lot of time looking after me when I was young so we always had a very close relationship.

Maybe your MIL wants your dsd to not feel sidelined by the new baby and is trying to show her that she is still an important member of the family .

Having said that I would feel hurt by this as well, so you're not being ridiculous.

When there's a new sibling, it's quite common for everyone to make a fuss of existing child(ren) so that they don't feel left out.

Your little one is blissfully unaware, you're winding yourself up over very little really.

FWIW, if it was me when I had my PFB, I'd be feeling just as you do.

7 year olds care more about presents than 6 month olds.
they may be trying to make sure 7yo doesn't feel left out
there are usually more photos of 1st children. maybe the same for GC?
Maybe they are more into older children than babies. Plenty of people have preferences one way or the other. I like toddlers best, over babies and 7yos.

Maybe there is more to this though. How is your relationship with them generally?

Also 7yos demand attention in a way that 6 mos don't.

I am surprised they didn't ask to hold the baby.

I think you're being a little harsh. She's probably just worried that the 7 year old will feel upset or left out, seeing as she isn't your partner's biological daughter. Your baby is oblivious to the lack of presents or attention, so I don't really see the problem. Try and think about it from the DSD's point of view.

How long ago did you and your partner get together? Does your step-daughter live with you full-time? I too am wondering if your mother-in-law is just wanting to make her feel included and to not lose touch with her?

What were the circumstances of you getting together with your partner?

I understand why you feel like that and no one asking to hold the baby is just weird!
But I think your mil has briefed everyone to make a fuss of dsd so she doesn't feel pushed out by the baby.
It'll pass and folk will begin to get irritated by it if it keeps up.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby!

Really CoffeeTea103? A baby is more interesting than an older child? I would say the opposite.