Grumpy hubby so fed up with him

[flowersinthewind]

My hubby is in a mood with me because i made a joke about his driving how do i deal with him ?
A bit of background is needed , we are meant to be going to Gaydon this weekend to the car heritage place as there is a truck show and hubby is in to his trucks . A few years ago we travelled up there and got lost and my hubby done mad driving as he was in a mood . Last night i jokingly mentioned this episode and since then he is silent and grumpy even though i apologised to him . He said that if i go i will say something that will remind him of all the rubbish he has to deal with at home and his work (he is a self employed architect and i work as a cleaner to earn a bit of pin money ) I then said i wont go with him andd then got shouted out for not listening to him etc i never see his view apparently and whatever i say he dismisses it as me being stupid . I feel this is a way to control me . This happens in frequently , we can be fine for months in fact i thought we were doing well at the mo and then he goes down the road of being grumpy etc with me . Our kids have said to him about the weekend and then he says he does not know what is happening he hasnt said we are not going so the kids are left hanging as am i .What do i do ? (i have been with him for 14 yrs now and he has always been quiet and that is fine After a disasterous 1st marriage he was just what i needed .

Don't think this is really about driving. Sorry. Ihave a sulker too, it taxes all my patience.

I think he sounds controlling. Don't go tip toeing around all day wondering what his plans are. Make your own with dc and leave him to sulk.

Sullking isn't appropriate behaviour for an adult. The fact that he calls your thoughts stupid is a red flag, as is the fact that you work for "pin money".

The three red flags together are worrying behaviour. It isn't normal for adults to sulk when they don't get their own way. It's not normal for adults to dismiss their partners ideas as stupid. The fact that you use the word controlling makes me think that you know his behaviour is unacceptable.

I have a sucker too ( and he's very grumpy ), I have some great advice from a therapist I was seeing a few years ago, she said 'treat men like children, talk them like children, give them praise when they do something good and reward them like you would a child', at the time I though she was crazy but then I thought I would give a go , one day dh was sulking so I thought I would treat him like a child! I spoke to him in 'that voice' you use to speak to your children and it worked a treat .

Living with dh is like having a extra child at times, he doesn't seem to notice when I treat him like one ,

'Sulker' not 'sucker' stupid auto correct .

Sulking is a sign of controlling behaviour and treating your husband like a child isn't exactly the sign of a healthy relationship either. You should be equal partners. If you aren't, then there is something unhealthy about your relationship

You shouldn't have to speak to an adult like a child , they are an adult and should behave like one.

Sounds like this is about more than just his driving.

I've been in a relationship with a sulker, it's emotionally draining and damaging, always trying to do and say the right things. Now I don't put up with it from adults or kids. It's controlling he is being dismissive of your contribution to the relationship. He is dragging the kids into it. Short term just go on like nothing had happened, ignore his childishness. Maybe do something else with kids. He will see what he is missing.

she said 'treat men like children, talk them like children, give them praise when they do something good and reward them like you would a child'

Worst advice ever imo. She's telling you that men need (and deserve) to be babied and pandered to like infants. Why on earth should we need to do that?
We should expect them to get a fucking grip like adults and not spoil everyone's weekend sulking over an imagined slight.

'Treat men like children....praise them and reward them as you would a child'

Oh dear

Don't indulge his sulking and let your day out go to ruin.
Hope you and dc are already out enjoying yourselves.

What a terrible therapist.

Sulking is really passive aggressive and not a healthy way to communicate.

Treat my husband like a child?

A therapist really said that? I don't believe it. I couldn't stay married to someone I had to manage like a child.

Back to you OP: I agree, just make your own plans and enjoy your day.

Make your own plans and do something nice with the kids. Sulking is not appropriate in a grown man - my 9yr isn't allowed to get away with it!

Life is far to short to be with a belittling sulker and yes, it is a form of control.

In any relationship, proper communication is important. I would suggest a heart to heart talk with your husband when he's in a good mood. You can probably prepare him a good dinner, or maybe snuggle up at him on an intimate night while watching movie, just set a mood for an intimate talk and instead of telling him the things you abhor, why not put it in a positive note by asking his opinion on how you can make your relationship more meaningful, what he would suggest you do so he can feel more loved and appreciated, and then when he has said his piece, you can do the same. It should always be a two-way street, a give-and-take relationship for it to last.

I must add that I don't treat him like a child unless it's a last resort ( have only tried it a couple times ) and yes a therapist did tell me this and I don't agree that it's a good thing to do, I tried it to test out the theory. Dh and I don't have a great relationship and he can be controlling ( emotionally ) and I do agree that op's husband is being controlling.