Physical relationship and body changes after childbirth

[Trinity90]

Hello all :)
I'm not sure which section to write this in..
I don't have children (yet) but me and my partner are discussing trying for them in around 3 years time, were both early/mid 20s ATM and want a more financially stable setup before we try for kids .

Anyway the point of this is, I was having a conversation with 2 friends of mine (SAHM) and they said after you have a child you are then permanently dilated to 2CM?????

This has me worried, I don't want to not enjoy sex as much with my bf after I have a child?

I wanted to hear others experiences after they've had a child

Is it true what they said ? ???

I know it will completely change your daily routine but does it change your relationship drastically ? For better or worse ?

Because in my eyes .. A relationship without sex is just a friendship, I know it's not the be all and end all but it is a big part!

Erm? Why do u think you won't be able to have sex after you have a child ?

I think your friend is referring to your cervix, not your vagina! I think the cervix is slightly more open after giving birth, though 2cm seems like a lot, not sure if this right. Anyway unless you have some unusual practices I haven't heard of that shouldn't make a difference to sex.

On a personal level, I have found DP and my sex life has improved since we had our daughter. Possibly because of the closer bond, I am not sure. It was good before any way. I had a difficult birth with forceps and episiotomy (vagina cut open to hen sewn up) but my body recovered. I was very happy with my figure before and now it is not as good I suppose (everything a little less firm) but on a day to day basis I don't think about it and I know DP is as attracted to me as ever. Also I am lot older than you so some of the change is probably just age!

You are still young, just enjoy your carefree life for now! When you and your partner are ready for a baby things will have a way of working out. Having a child has brought so much happiness to me and DP any changes in life have been more than worth it!

You'll be fine, it's the cervix that's dilated not the normal, ahem, 'entry' point. Sex will be fine!

They are probably talking about your CERVIX, not your vagina!
Yes, it may not feel exactly the same after childbirth, but trust me, it's likely to be the last thing you're thinking about for a while after you've had a baby!

I think if I was permanently dilated to 2 cm after having my 3 children, having a coil inserted wouldn't have been so bloody painful!

I'm sure that's rubbish.

Of course you will enjoy having sex after having a baby!

For a while you will maybe be too tired to want to have sex, whilst you are getting up in the night to feed, but afterwards things get back to normal.

I have two children and an enjoyable romance. Sorry if that sounds a bit twee but I am always wary of over sharing on these types of threads!

In answer to the second part of your post, I think most couples find having a child has a big effect on their relationship. This doesn't have to be negative, though more arguments are common. Also if your sex life depends on 5 hour candlelit sessions you might have to learn to love a quickie!

If it helps, your cervix is dilated to about 2cms during the 3rd trimester of subsequent pregnancies not all the time!!

Agree with above, it's tiredness & lack of time that affects sex after having a baby more than your vagina being any different. It's made of stretchy folds of skin which are designed to cope with childbirth & a lifetime of shagging. Enjoy!!

If I were you, I would think about marriage before children. Did you know that you are more likely to end up a single parent if you're un-married.

You will more than likely enjoy sex just as much but you may put it further down the priority list when having a young baby. After the baby is between 9 months and 1 year sleep will be present at full 8 hour stints again, sex life will full throttle again, and that's when baby number 2 tends to be conceived ;)

If you're worried about a "sausage down the hallway" type of thing if course were all different, but if you're worried start Pilates at 12 weeks after the birth and they'll be no complaints from your partner.

After having children you realise how much sex can be a filler of time and after children you might enjoy just laying on the bed all as a little family and feeling closer to your partner than you ever thought possible. :)

Some difficult births will cause damage and this May effect your sex life.

I think there's an ongoing 'raggedy bits' thread on mn.

If you are young and healthy and avoid interventions in childbirth the chance of this happening are reduced.

It's rubbish after three dc all vaginal births I had to have a coil inserted with anaesthetic because my cervix was too closed.

On the plus side, pregnancy orgasms are earth-shattering and you really learn how to make the earth or rather uterus move

on the other hand, you may end up like me needing an emcs thus no effects whatsoever to 'down there'. (though I heartily wish it had been a vaginal birth for many many reasons!)

I'm sure it's not true that your cervix remains dilated all the time - women would be forever getting infections if that was the case!

Anyway you might not have a natural birth, I've got 2 kids and no labours even.

Plus pregnancy etc seems to jangle stuff up down there and I am much more (ahem) responsive than I used to be. Which is good

Of course sex took a while to come back after the kids due to tiredness, surgery etc.

I mean you might end up getting damaged that's a risk every woman takes when they have kids but it doesn't sound like that's what's happened to your friends they are just being a bit weird.

and, following my experience THERE REALLY IS VERY LITTLE YOU CAN PLAN WHEN IT COMES TO BABIES!!!

the conception, pregnancy, birth, where they sleep, etc etc etc.....

so, to quote the hitch hikers guide to the galaxy, "don't panic".

keep calm and carry on enjoying your sex life!

... and in case anyone reading thinks a c section will help sex life post children - I personally took so long to recover from the serious abdominal surgery and knock on effect on my stomach muscles and then lower back muscles that sex wasn't really a priority.

Every body and every relationship is different. I had two children in my mid twenties and the only difference to my body is a few stretch marks below my belly button which you can't really notice now. I still wear bikinis and have a better figure than a lot of my friends without children. My youngest is two, sex is still good, relationship still good. Babies can put a lot of stress on relationships and lots of couples don't make it but for us the increased bond and closeness of being a family kind of counteracted it iyswim. Make sure you have a really good man to have children with would be my best advice.

I agree. might have had a shit birth but not a stretch mark in sight.

Hello thank you all the responses! and I know sex wont be on top of the agenda for a while after birth but I wanted to be reassured that when we felt it was time to start again that it wouldn't.. feel any different 'down there' and would still be enjoyable :)

"Erm? Why do u think you won't be able to have sex after you have a child hmm?" I meant that It wouldn't be as enjoyable not that I wouldn't be able to have it :P

"If I were you, I would think about marriage before children. Did you know that you are more likely to end up a single parent if you're un-married."
Me and my boyfriend do plan to get married before children BUT I also disagree with your post because you never know what life will throw at you and being married does not guarantee you wont be a single parent - I know quite a few women who are married yet living life as a SAHM as they have split with their partner and been left with the children, I don't think being married or not increases or decreases the change you'll be a SAHM .. I think it's more to do with how early in your relationship you fall pregnant and if it's planned or not :o !

and thank you for your reply Littleowl14 , my mother had C sections with all of us ( 4 children ) because she couldn't give birth naturally and it does sound a lot harder to recover from plus like you said, there can be lots of knock on effects ! ...but I live on hope that I can plan everything haha! :P I know I can't ofc! but it's nice to think that everything will go smoothly. e.g giving birth in 2minutes ! :)

I think when the time comes to have children I will join pilates/pregnancy exercise classes :) thanks

I have a couple of stretchmarks because I'm prone to them (have a few from my teenage years too) but overall I'm in far better shape than I was before children.