Should a thoughtless OH make me thoughtless?

[Captainbarnacles1101]

So bare with me here.

I am a mummy and I try to make all the kids and my OH feel special on their special days. Eg Birthday, Christmas, Father's Day etc.
I make a special effort on birthdays to do wall displays of pics over the years and bake a cake and put months of thought into presents.

On Father's Day I do breakfast in bed and thoughtful gifts. On OH day off I get up with the kids and usually always take him up coffee and toast.

So, my issue is they NEVER do anything like this for me. I get a lie in on Mother's Day but the older two never even remembered my birthday this year (14 and 11) I didn't even get a card. OH let's me have a lie in on a Sunday but doesn't keep kids quiet and never brings breakfast in bed unless I ask. As for presents there is no thought put into them. He buys expensive things like a kindle or designer bag but there isn't any thought in it. I really don't mean to sound ungrateful but they all just seem to take it for granted. They never put any thought or fuss into my birthday etc.

So. Should I stop being such an idiot going all out for them? Or is that childish. Looking perspective on this as feeling a little taken for granted.

What do you get the kids to do for each other and both you and your DH?

It sounds as though YOU have always done everything. If you've never got the kids to focus on the idea of doing something special for someone then why would they think about it for you?

Also, stop being a martyr and not saying anything about it. Bring it up before your birthday! Tell them 'I go out of my way to make sure your birthdays are special, I expect all of you to do the same for me or else I will be VERY disappointed.'

OMG! Ur right!
I always kind of expected them
To just think oh look mum does it for us let's do it for her.

Ur right I fecking hate Martyrs and I totally didn't realise that's what I was doing!

Jeez. Right that's what I'm gonna do.
Thank u.

They probably would have got it eventually, when they were in their 20s and lost a few boyfriends/girlfriends along the way for their thoughtlessness, but is that what you want?

They can be rather dim, the people we love. You need to drill it into their heads that they have to make an effort.

True hay day. I don't want that. Will get them all involved tomo morn and try to get them
All involved a bit more.
Thanks for the insight.