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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I shouldn't have to put up with this, should I?

46 replies

PissedOffYetAgain · 13/06/2014 19:47

I'm just so fucking fed up of my partners attitude.

Sometimes when I'm doing something, for example, washing the dishes and partner needs to fill the kettle he will just come and barge me out of the way, i take it in good humour, laugh and jokily say "oi, do you mind"

Ok so with that in mind. I was in the bedroom this evening putting washing away, i went to put some stuff in one of the kids rooms and when i came back P was blocking the doorway while he got something out the wardrobe, i say "come on i want by" and push him (in the 'jokey' way he does to me) and he totally flips. Starts saying "don't you fucking barge me out the way, I'm trying to do something then I'll fucking move"

So i leave him to it, about 10 mins later im sat on the sofa absolutely seething and shake my head at his absolute hypocrisy, he says "what you shaking your head at" i say "you, its alright for you...." he cuts me off my giving me the finger and saying "fuck you"

So, before i totally lose the plot i grab my phone and head towards the stairs he says "yep, see ya, get yourself upstairs, best place for ya" to which i reply "i cant even fucking look at you" and he gives me a condescending little wave and says "bye"

I'm sat upstairs ready to completely lose me shit. Don't want to look at him, don't want to speak to him. Nasty fucker

OP posts:

defineme · 13/06/2014 20:17

Then he goes.

kalidanger · 13/06/2014 20:20

He's building up to hitting you, you know. Has he hit you yet? Because he's going to and it'll be an 'accident'.

mammadiggingdeep · 13/06/2014 20:23

Oh god, he sounds hideous. Don't let anyone talk to you like that! Seems a bit unnecessary too- over him blocking your way. Does he actually like you??? Sounds like he was ready to be nasty...

Original poster

PissedOffYetAgain · 13/06/2014 20:26

No he's never hit me in the 5 years we've been together.

I blew my top and he's gone to bed saying im being over the top and creating drama

OP posts:

Cabrinha · 13/06/2014 20:29

I really recommend you save the words fucking and cunt for on here, and keep your cool and your dignity.

Got to CAB, and the housing dept if it's HA or council, and get their advice on how to remove him.
Why is he paying the rent? If you can't afford it, get CAB to explain what your options will be re benefits once you are single.

Cabrinha · 13/06/2014 20:31

So he's made it your fault.
Do you know that you're not over reacting?
The ot thing you've done wrong here is swearing at him. You need to be calm.
Work out your plan of action, then dump him.
Why do you want to be with someone who treats you like this?

clam · 13/06/2014 21:45

What were you hoping to achieve by going back downstairs still angry?

Humansatnav · 13/06/2014 22:01

No op, hes not hit you yet.
It creeps, you see.
Name-calling, shoving, "play" fighting, a slap/ throwing something in temper that "accidentally" hits you......

Original poster

PissedOffYetAgain · 13/06/2014 22:11

I wasn't hoping to achieve anything, but i don't see why i should have to sit upstairs in my own home. I came down for a fag to be honest and as soon as i walked in the room he started laughing and taking the piss so i blew up.

OP posts:

foadmn · 14/06/2014 00:30

it would be a really good idea if you were to get this man out of your house now and forever.

GrumpleMe · 14/06/2014 04:52

He doesn't like you much, does he? Or does he treat everyone like that?

FolkGirl · 14/06/2014 06:05

Oh, God just get him out and then get on with your life.

ManFromAtlantis · 14/06/2014 06:51

You say you stay with him because he is not always like this. This is actually pretty silly. If he was a complete monster ALL the time of course you wouldn't be with him. An abuser is like Jekyll and Hyde. You stay because you love the nice part of them and keep hoping the nasty part will go away. I know because I made the same mistake. Don't kid yourself - this is part of who he is. Unless he is willing to admit he has an anger problem and willing to change.

You also need to have a serious think about your own role in this. It sounds to me like you need to learn to be more assertive (NOT aggressive!).

By doing what he does in a "jokey" way, you are trying to make a point without actually saying what is really on your mind. You sound like you are scared of your own anger, but then let rip calling him a cunt etc.

What you really need to do is calmly tell him you are not happy with the way he sometimes treats you, and you want the two of you to sort it out properly. If you are lucky, he will admit there is a problem and agree to go to counselling or whatever.
More likely he will refuse to take it seriously. He might get angry again. He might say you are over-reacting. Don't be surprised if he says you are the one with the problem, or you "make" him the way he is. He's probably been this way all his life, and has no desire to change. He's probably so insecure he can't ever admit there is anything wrong with him. Also maybe his whole family are like this, and this is normal to him.
If he refuses to even have a respectful adult discussion with you, then leave him. You can't carry on flipping between laughing it off, and sinking to his level.

FunkyBoldRibena · 14/06/2014 07:17

He sounds like a right charmer.

Can you pay the rent if he goes? Is this what keeps you from kicking him out? Why aren't you paying the rent on your house?

HexBramble · 14/06/2014 07:29

Are there children in this household OP?

FolkGirl · 14/06/2014 08:02

You stay because you love the nice part of them and keep hoping the nasty part will go away. I know because I made the same mistake.

Me too. I made the mistake twice in fact. Neither of them changed.

CookieMonsterIsHot · 14/06/2014 13:43

Good on you for refusing to hide away or minimise his behaviour. When you went down stairs and he laughed at you it showed that he truly is a twat.

Why does he pay the rent? Do you work?

Personally, I'd kick him out even if it meant I couldn't pay the rent.

Seriously, he couldn't pay me enough to put up with such treatment.

whynowblowwind · 14/06/2014 13:51

That sounds horrible.

Do you know what it made me think of though - one schoolchild taunting another. I don't mean YOU are immature in any way but that's what it read like - a nasty playground bully.

RedRoom · 14/06/2014 14:12

He doesn't respect you, plus he is all kinds of shades of aggressive, rude, and impatient. He stuck a finger up and said 'fuck you' and then said 'get yourself upstairs' - what a charmer. I agree with the poster who says he doesn't sound terribly bright. He certainly doesn't have any manners. Get rid.

CaptainTripps · 14/06/2014 15:35

You need better than this arse has to offer.. Immature and nasty. He will be shocked and stunned when you kick him out. But it is only what he deserves.

CoffeeTea103 · 14/06/2014 17:11

Nobody should ever speak to anyone this way, let alone someone you're in a relationship with. And you say he is not always like this? Sorry but wake up and see it for what it is, this is not how a decent, good man behaves.

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