What are the signs a husband is no longer attracted to his wife?

[dorasee]

Anyone who's sort of been there, what were the 'flags'- not of an affair, but just the awareness that your husband was/is no longer that into you?
My husband is loving and nice, a good guy, but he just doesn't want me physically anymore and he tends to want to 'bicker'. I find him a bit depleting in that way. If he doesn't pick a nonsensical row with me he hassles our older child (12) over every little fiddle faddle. I get the 'my needs aren't being met quickly enough' talks from him on the one hand, but on the other, he never touches me at all. It's almost as if I repel him. What is up? :-(

Well he's being a twat no matter how 'lovely' you say he is.

He's setting you up to fail with the bickering and my needs aren't getting met nonsense.

He's clearly not happy with his life - so mid life crisis?

The problem is his and not yours though - he is responsible for his own happiness so don't go bending over backwards to meet his unknowable needs.

I don't think it's safe to look for 'signs' as such because people are individuals and tend not to conform to one behaviour pattern. Although 'nonsensical rows' and picking on children would make him a bully... no mystery there. If what you're saying is that you're unhappy with the way he relates to you, probably better to tackle him about it head on and demand change. Be assertive about what you want rather than passively wondering what's going on.

Has he told you he no longer wants you physically anymore? Or is it more the impression you get, I ask because I rarely touch DW anymore, I certainly never instigate anything more. This isn't because of what I want (and it is a want, not a need), but because of what she has said in the past. Is this something your H could be doing?

Have you feelings changed over time towards him, or is this purely his behaviour change?

I understand the repelling thing.

The rows and picking on kids - exactly what Cog said, bullying. Unacceptable.

not happy with this at all.

as the child who was picked on by mother when she daren't pick of father, I think offloading your stuff on a child is not good.

bickering shows he thinks he could be doing better elsewhere.

his 'needs aren't met quickly enough'? you mean, if he says 'i want sex' you don't immediately drop 'em? or is he just using this as an excuse. i had a husband, he went around telling everyone we didn't have sex, when we blatantly did and continued to do so for about three years after we split up. some men who want out talk rot about sex.

he never touches you. hmm. are you stinky, covered in pustules etc? no? then he has no excuse. he just has an agenda. unless his health/mental health is poor and he's lost his sex drive. which could lead to the 'you aren't meeting my needs' and bickering, too. check he's not diabetic, and get him a general MOT. but i don't want to make excuses for him, or for you to cling to. he should be wanting you. he should be sharing in partnership with you for you both to have the best sex possible in your circumstances. that's a counsel of perfection - i'm single - but that's what it should be like.

you say he is 'loving and nice'. In what way, if he picks on the child and doesn't make love to you? i don't think he's loving and nice, i think he's a pain in the bum.

do you think he is redeemable, or is he lost forever?

There are no specific, universal signs, as every family and their home life (and what works for them) is different.

What matters though it a change, especially when you find it unpleasant. When was the last time you were happy with him? Have their been any external events you know of since then that have caused stress? A brief bad patch because of external stressors however does not absolve him of his bad behaviour - shit happens, maybe it's handled badly initially, but then it needs to be put right properly.

Less affection and constant nitpicking are very bad indicators. It suggests to me at he is indeed withholding from family life. Have you any idea why?