relationships

[Cwtch12]

I have left my husband 6 weeks ago and living with my mam and two children.I left has Iwas in a controlling relationship.Have told my husband I am not going back but he will not accept this.My children are seeing my husband when he is not at work.They are finding it hard as they want us all to live happily as a family but this cannot be anymore.My children are thirteen and nine.They are asking me when are we going home all the time.My husband is telling them he wants mammy to come home and daddy is sorry, but trying to involve them in getting me back,so they only see why don't I go home.Please can you give me any advice on telling my husband there is no going back and explaining to the children.

Stick to your guns. If you go back the control will be worse, don't do that to yourself or the kids.

At the moment, you won't be able to say anything to the kids to help them understand. Only that you are not happy and can't keep living a sad life anymore.

As for your ex, don't say anything to him. He will manipulate the kids for a long time yet in one way or another. You have a long hard road ahead and will need all the support you can get.

The stately homes threads should be able to give you better advice than I can - they have all had to leave controlling relationships and will be able to offer advice and support that most people wouldn't know where to start with.

Good luck

I don't think he's going to take you seriously so save your breath and go talk to a solicitor instead. Get them to send him the divorce papers etc rather than wasting your time. If you need to be in contact regarding the children then do it via e-mail only. That way you can keep a record of any replies. Regarding his behaviour towards the children, add to your e-mail that he should not involve them in personal matters because they are too young to understand and it's unfair to place the burden on their shoulders. Again, put this in writing so that you can demonstrate at some stage that you have expressed concern.

What you tell the children is that the decision to split has been an adult one made by you and Dad, it's final, they can't influence the decision & they are not responsible in any way. This is very important, especially if he is manipulating them. Acknowledge that it's a sad time & things have changed, but try to stress all the things that will stay the same in their lives, including seeing Dad on a regular basis.

Good luck

He is being abusive by saying these things to the children. It might be worth letting him know that.

Well done for getting out. It's hard to take the leap of faith especially with kids and especially having to uproot them and move in with other people.

Stay strong.

Its unforgivable that anyone should manipulate their children in this way, and proves what a sorry good for nothing your ExH is.

Stick to your guns, your children will understand one day. No child wants to grow up and then look back and realise that their happiness came at the expense of yours. Stay strong and well done for getting out.