Never posted on here before, but was hoping for an ear and maybe some advice. Was hoping for some clarity to my thoughts too, you are all very good at that, from what I have read on other posts.
Been with DP for twelve years, very chequered history - he suffers from depression quite badly and as a result our time together has been very on/off (at his instigation).
I love him fiercely but I feel our relationship has some hallmarks of emotional abuse, but I'm so confused, I don't know if it's me that's not supportive enough when he's not well. Recently he's been on ADs which has helped him with his mood but has killed his libido - we have DTD three times this year and only once at his instigation. I've tried to be understanding but it is hard to get rejected a lot. Otherwise though he's quite affectionate, when he's in a good mood.
Since being on the meds he has settled and we have been together for a number of years, without any real upset, but recently he's come off them and the usual problems have come back.
He gets very angry and impatient with my DS (14). DS is no angel but isn't a bad boy at heart. He sometimes slams doors and eats all the crisps and lies in bed all day, but I don't think that's unusual for a teenager.
The day before yesterday DS took £2 from DP's change pot without asking, to buy some chocolate after school. The upshot of that was that yesterday DP decided he was going to move back into his parents house as he'd 'had enough' and that he was sick of getting no respect and that I didn't ever discipline DS and there were never any consequences to his actions. DP is not DS's biological parent, but has known him since he was 2.
We have just moved in to a new house and I won't be able to afford the rent on my own if he goes. After this statement I suggested he should maybe think about going back on his ADs as he was clearly upset and angry but that I felt it was perhaps an over reaction, but was told I'd told him to stop taking them due to their side effects on his libido. He also walked towards me with clenched fists telling me not to start on him as he wasn't in the mood, which frightened me a bit.
He does odd things - most of the time we have a great time together, he buys me flowers, cooks all our meals, and we have a happy life together but then there are the times when he does things like put a new password on his phone (he's knows I'm paranoid due to other women he's seen when we've been apart in the past and knows I check his phone occasionally), or when we go for a walk and he never walks next to me, always a few steps behind - even if I slow down, he slows down too. Or he twists my words so I feel like I've never got my point across. Or if I insist on getting my point across he shouts till I give up.
He drinks quite a lot 'to stop the noise in my head' and has no real hobbies. Most of his friends have moved or drifted away as I guess he's not tried to keep in contact with them.
I don't know what I'm getting at really, but am just confused and tired. We both work full time but I earn more. Perhaps this is also the problem. Thank you if you made it this far x