I've not been a poster for a while but I've been here before, 3 yrs ago, when I discovered my stbxh was using prostitutes. I was given some amazing advice but, like the idiot I am, I believed his tears and carried on for the children/financial abuse.
I took him back on the understanding that he went to therapy but that didn't last long. His drinking escalated and he withdrew further away from me and the DCs (teens now). We were ok though, we did our own thing, but recently I've been consumed with the idea of being on my own. Even if he hadn't cheated on me, even if he wasn't an alcoholic, every little thing he does annoys the hell out of me. So I made an appointment with a solicitor and looking through our financial paperwork for our meeting it didn't take long to find out that he's never stopped meeting with escorts. I wasn't shocked, we haven't had sex for years because I never trusted him from the first time I found out 3 yrs ago and he never wanted to make any effort to talk about it.
Anyway, I've paid my solicitor and the paperwork is good to go. I plucked up all my courage and told him I want a divorce and I want him to get out. That was a week and a half ago and he's still here. He broke down, he's been to AA everyday, he's quite insistent that he can get me to change my mind! If I say anything he doesn't like he chants some AA mantra at me and tells me that he's not allowed to get angry. He says that he can't move out or he'll kill himself. He says that every bad thing he did was because of being an alcoholic, and it's a disease and I have to be sympathetic, and AA have told him he shouldn't move out, blah, blah. He says "but you forgave me before" but I didn't really, he was too busy doing his own thing to notice.
The house is in joint names so I know I can't make him leave. I thought I'd have to pluck up the courage once to tell him it's over but I'm finding that I have to do it all the time - him - "we need to buy new light shades" Me - "you do understand we are getting divorced?" It's exhausting and slowly I'm beginning to think perhaps I am the mad one wanting a divorce. Also he loves telling me how supportive everyone at AA is, implying that I haven't been yet I've been begging him to get help for years.
I did have a question but after writing this I know what to do. I'm pleased he's getting help but it's nothing to do with me anymore and he's using it to hang on to me for a bit longer and it's just manipulation.
Thank you if you made it to the bottom!