Feeling a bit down

[Icelollycraving]

Not sure if relationships is the best place to put this.
I feel a bit crap & low. I was made redundant a year ago after being in a job I loved for several years. I found another job with more money,but it was hideous. They paid that salary for a reason! I resigned after 2 months,I suspect I got in before they did tbh. I haven't worked since :(
I was so confident about walking straight into something else. I've applied for loads,interviewed & still nothing. These jobs have none of the prestige of my former roles & I'm not even getting them. In feedback,I get that they liked me but thought I'd be bored after my previous roles,or that I was just pipped to the post. I prepare,I am professional in them but still nothing.
I find being a sahm just numbing. I don't drive & I've got ridiculously lazy. I'm bored & I'm boring.
I miss the structure of work. I have v few friends & none locally & so neither does ds. I feel ashamed of myself.
Dh & I are coasting along. He's a bit crap with any kind of emotional need & so I feel just like a bit of a zombie.
I am claiming jsa. Last year I earnt 50k & now I can't do anything,go anywhere. I miss not being able to buy whatever I wanted. Shallow I know,
Have felt like packing a bag & just leaving,but to what? With what?!

Have you thought of doing some voluntary work in the meantime?

Have ds at home. Dh works 6 days a week. Ds used to be in nursery full time.

How old is DS? I know they're not everyone's cup of tea, but I used to take mine to mother & toddler groups. I made good friends there and they were something to get up & out of the house for. My DH is in your position at the moment - it's tough out there in the job market - you have my sympathy.

I have applied to volunteer in my local hospice, they desperately need people on a weekend and I'm going to do an 8am - 12pm shift on a Sunday. It is such a calming, happy place to work and it gets me out of bed on a Sunday morning.

I understand how demoralising it can be claiming benefits and not having enough money to buy what you want - even a small treat. It won't always be like that though. You are getting so close and it's frustrating that you are often pipped to the post.

Is there ever an opportunity to explain that you wouldn't get bored in the job and maybe talk a bit about how good you think the company is having researched them - butter them up a bit without going overboard?

He's almost 3. I've done softplay a few times as it's a bit less pressure than to meet lots of other mums. I had a horrible experience of the local cliquey mums at the playground when ds had a meltdown. Awful. I left & cried.
I am so used to being in control at work that my job became who I was if that makes sense. Now I just feel like a fat crap mum.
I can play act pretty well so most people think I'm just fine,but I'm not,I'm down.

handful I have done that,very much sold the whole life work balance & that I'm really excited about the job I'm not & give a plausible performance. I'm probably better qualified (in my industry) than the people interviewing me.
My job wasn't earth shattering but I was good at it & I loved it. My entire team all got jobs & I'm the one that didn't.
If I had known a year ago what I know now,I would have played it v differently.

I suspect that your point about DH being "a bit crap with any emotional need" is contributing to the way you're feeling. Have you tried telling him what you've shared here? He might surprise you.

I would be very surprised if he actually supported me emotionally. He is just no good at anything involving feelings & it would be like talking to a brick wall. He feels he is supportive,he is working extra hours.
My family are v supportive but I think they are running out of things to say.
My career such as it was has been pretty much the only constant in my adult years. I liked mat leave but was lonely.
I felt just kind of right when I went back to work. I looked great,lost weight,lots of energy & kind of acted a bit like superwoman. Doing all the housework,shopping,paying for most of the bills,doing the night wakings (only just started to sleep okish),working full time shifts etc.
Aside from the stresses of ds being unwell & having to juggle work etc ds & I both did so much better at work & nursery. Not sure what that really says about me as a mum.
I am now potty training ds & calling my poor mum to tell her his latest developments several times a day. Today she said "bet you thought 10 years ago you'd be excited about a wee or a poo in a potty". I replied a year ago I wouldn't either.
Sorry if this all seems a bit rambley & self indulgent.

Op I could have written your post. I was also made redundant (unfairly) a year ago from a good job and have been trying to find a new job. I also signed on for JSA and reduced my ds nursery days altho we managed to keep him in for 3 days a week. I've had really low periods too but I have forced myself to go out and see friends and to take ds out to groups. Keep applying, something will come up. I can say this as after a year of unemployment I finally got a job offer today, a short term contract, but at least 6 months work. Keep getting out and about and applying for jobs you are interested in. Good luck

Well done on your new job pudsey I have a second interview for something today. Not a job I would have ever considered but needs must. I am up against an internal applicant who has done the role before. I also have to travel about 3 hours to get there with a costly train ticket. Have to go though,have to try.

Well I went,should know in around a week. Ds didn't miss me & only asked after me once or twice. Not sure if that makes me feel better or worse.

Don't get despondent you are getting asked in for interviews in a very competitive era, you are halfway there...

I don't know what line of work you were in. Is there any way you could go self employed and take on a consultancy role?

Those interviews where they said you'd be over-qualified or bored etc, what if you contact them and say, okay the job may not be a perfect fit but I have skills you could use; what if I come in for short spells on a day rate?

You'd need to do your accounts and tax etc and you wouldn't be confined to one employer but it would bring in some income.

Thank you for that but the roles were offered to other people. Dh suggested that perhaps my references aren't good or someone had bad mouthed me.helpful!

The positions advertised may have been filled but you made a good impression so maybe their HR dept could keep you in mind.

Badmouthing you about what. Jolly helpful, DH! More likely they were looking at salaries.

Have you asked a trusted friend to take a look at your CV? Any questions at interview look back on and wish you'd answered differently?

i remember seeing something that said once you get to interview the job is likely to go to the tallest (in one study) or best looking (in another) candidate rather than the best qualified. I'm not saying this to try and make you feel crap about yourself about the ones you've not got (I'm in a profession not known for its looks, luckily!).Just if there's any areas that need a bit more work than suiting up and putting some slap on it might be worth doing? And heels i guess? Alsoi know its hard when its maybe not what you want to be doing, but please don't think this time is wasted. You are already doing the most important job in the world even if the recognition of that is crap.

Well.my profession is somewhat to do with looks. I'm not tall. God knows.

Didn't get it. Unsurprisingly they "do like to promote from within". So bloody glad I schlepped hours to another pointless interview. Dh is convinced I have bad references,no matter how many times I tell him that they don't request them until an offer is made (in my industry). Thoroughly thoroughly fucked off.

Feeling absolutely overwhelmed. Dh & I aren't getting on,months & months of unsuccessful applications for jobs I could do standing on my head,ds being a handful,no friends. When dh & I aren't getting on,I always knew I had my career which paid way more than his,now I'm on jsa :(

Can't believe my life has changed so much. I really kick myself for the bad choices I have made. I feel so shit. 'D'h has done his usual stance when anything is expected emotionally & been a fucking cold fish to put it mildly. I'm morphing into a fat stepford wife. So cross with myself.

Hey! DO NOT kick yourself! That way madness lies and just more self shit...
Will not get you anywhere except on a downward spiral...

Give it time, taking time out from a profession to bring up a child is a HUGE life change...

Your husband doesn,t exactly sounds like he, s on your side... part of the problem