If you have any information/advice on separating please share

[neverthoughtitwouldhappentome]

"D"H and I are separating, so far very amicable although I do not want the split - "D"H is very guilty, been together over 26 yrs. (we are still in the same house as we have not told the DC yet due to exams etc...)

What am I entitled to?

How much maintenance should he pay?

I have a chance of moving into a lovely 3 bed house - good move or bad?

We will have to sell our home - how much am I entitled to? I will have at least 2 of our 3 DC come and live with me. (1 DC is an adult)

What if any help am I entitled to? I work 25 hrs a week term time.

If there is anything you can think of that could help me please suggest as I am completely out on a limb with this.

Honestly can't get my head round any of this, so far "D"H has been very accommodating and has agreed to let me have anything I want to start a new home - I think through guilt.

Hi sorry to hear you are going through this. Citizen advice bureau great website to help. There is an on line calculator that can give you a guide to what you are entities to maintenance wise. Don't do any moving or anything until you have seen a solicitor. Get one recommended to you if you can. Most do free first 30mins. I was in for nearly two hours with mine with free half an hour. Was £150 altogether and honestly so worth it.

I'd look at your budget and see if anything you will be able to change/get rid of etc if needs be.

Good luck

Emotionally too tell at least one close friend/family member in real life as you will need that support x

Thanks Minime85 in replying. "D"H had said he didn't think we needed to go to solicitors. But I am concerned about mine and DCs future. I guess it's time I took my head out of the sand and make that appointment for the citizens advice.

I found and am still finding useful the advice on the MN divorce & separation board and the lone parent boards. Wikidivorce is also a good source of information. When I split from my ex of 30 years we agreed to split the equity in our house 60/40. I got the bigger share as our DS lives with me. The government online calculator for child maintenance is very good. We didn't go to a solicitor. Whilst we did things amicably for the most part when the house sale became difficult it was not so easy to communicate but as I did masses of research I felt confident I knew my rights and worked from that basis with the ex when he became difficult. We stayed in the house on a separated basis for 8 months during the house sale, separate bedrooms and separate bank accounts etc. this was not easy I won't lie. You can apply for working families tax credit even if you are still living together. I wish I had know this as I waited until a month before we moved out. We drew up our own separation agreement and had it witnessed to agree how we would split the equity and assets. We attached an appendix of belongings that each of us were having too so that we both had a written record of how everything was to be divided up. I agree with the other poster, I wouldn't move out without taking some advice first. I kept reminding myself when it all felt very difficult that it was hard but it was not impossible. Me and my DS now have our own lovely home where we are relaxed and happy. You will be too. Stay strong and talk to people in RL. It was invaluable to me to have that support and once I told people my plans I gained strength from that. It became real. You will be fine and so much happier in the future. In terms of coping mentally, I took up running and walking on the days when I needed to give my knees a rest. I listened to inspirational songs that buoyed me up and plugged myself into my iPod when I needed it. Somehow this small thing really gave me some space from the difficult atmosphere that did develop over time. make sure that you take some time out for yourself if you can and I also accepted every invitation that came my way. It started me on the path of thinking much more independently and forging ahead socially. Good luck. PM me if you feel it will help. Happy to listen to a rant anytime. Oh the other thing I did was make a budget which I continuously reviewed re possible outgoings. The reality is that I am much better off now (my money is no longer being squandered by the ex on drink and gambling). I am saving, have changed the car and booked a holiday. It is fab. Onward and upward! Remember that! You can do it. X

I only went that once and shared the advice I wanted to share with my ex. I've spent the evening tonight actually filling in my divorce papers! We are doing it ourselves, no solicitor as we are reasonable amicable and know how we want to separate things and sort dcs out. But I found it invaluable to just listen to the legal things. I was advised to go for this and that but equally she was very honest and said as an intelligent woman I was more than capable to do it myself as we knew what we wanted.

Def get rl support and def use this and any other sites like it. I knew and still don't know anyone in my position and this forum helped save me. To start with I lurked and now I hope I can be of some use in giving my experience. We've only been separated since November officially bit things were rocky a long time before that. I am happier now too and ex is. Docs still struggle but know they will adjust with our support. What else can u do if your husband puts you in these situations!

Please do get proper legal advice. The length of the relationship, the number of children and I expect a disparity in lifetime earnings means you really should. You may be entitled to maintenance or a share of his pension or a greater share of the sale from your house. I would be worried that your 'D'H is trying to avoid solicitors. Sorry you're having to deal with this.

There I another forum called wikivorce which has a library of resources you can access on line

Thank you - am off to google wiki divorce . Also I will try and get an appointment at citizens advice.

Also check out local solicitors that specialise in family law. Some will offer a free initial consultation. I can understand someone's reluctance to involve lawyers because there's an idea that you'll end up battling your differences out in court at vast expense and it all ending up very messy and bitter. However, in reality, getting sound legal advice just means that you know what you're agreeing to privately is fair.