When will I be able to trust him again?

[Icovellauna]

Hello.
I found out three weeks ago that my H had been lying to me, and that it was a regular occurrence. Not about anything major but I thought he was lying about something and he finally admitted it.but this was only after he had promised on the dc's lives that he hadn't been lying and also after I confronted him with proof that showed he was lying.
So he didn't lie about anything major but I am finding it so hurtful, I feel so let down and don't know if I can ever really trust him again. We have been together for 24 yrs since we were 16,married for 19yrs and have 4 dcs aged 11 - 16.
How do you trust someone again? Can trust come back?
Some perspective on this would be very much appreciated.

I'm not sure the trust ever comes back in all honesty.

XH was an habitual liar, some small lies, some big, and I saw through them every time - his face can't lie.

I did 20 years of lies until it all came to a head and I couldn't do it anymore. To him they were 'little white lies', and none that to him caused any harm. To me though they did. If he could tell 'little' lies what else was he lying about - who knows!

What I do know is that I'm now in a relationship which started completely honestly about what is important and I can hand on heart say that I wish is seen the light sooner.

Be truthful with yourself about whether you could get back to trusting him and if you can't then consider your future without him.

Life is too short to live a lie.

The problem is...why lie about something small and relatively insignificant? If he will do this it's almost certain logically that he would lie about major things that have greater consequences if found out. I'm not surprised you feel you can't trust him any more.

What was the lie about? Therein lies your answer.

For me it would have to mean DP came to me, not me to him, and admitted lying, told me why (though there is no real excuse, but an explanation would be helpful), told me and followed through on what he was going to do about it.

Only then could I even begin on learning to trust again. To be honest though, DH has done all if the above and Still its hard to trust sometimes. I honestly don't think that might ever go away. Married 15 years.

Honestly? Probably never. Phone about to die so I'll try to post more in the morning.

Trust is egg-shell thin. Takes nothing to break it and is almost impossible to repair. Lying about small stuff is especially concerning precisely because it's small stuff. Some big crisis you can understand why there would need to be deception... not trivia.

You're now in a 'Boy Who Cried Wolf' situation. Whatever he says you will wonder if it's a lie. You'll also be revisiting old conversations where he 'promised on the kids' lives' and wondering if that was a lie as well. Liars are disrespectful, being with one is a very stressful way to live and I really don't recommend it.

If it were something very minor, why lie about it? That's odd behaviour. Especially swearing on the dcs lives. Do they mean that little to him?

If its just one lie I don't think I would let it ruin the whole marriage.

If he isn't an habitual liar then what was the lie regarding? Maybe the answer lies in that direction

Thank you all for your replies and sorry for being so rude and not replying sooner. The lie was about where he was. He would go and do a sport and tell me he was elsewhere. It is so ridiculous, I have never told him what to do or not to do. I have no problems with him doing this sport at all,I have even been encouraging him to do it as I thought he wasn't doing it iyswim.
I am upset because I felt he was lying about something but couldn't pin point it. I asked and asked what was wrong, was he being truthful etc and he looked me in the eyes and promised on the lives of the dc's that he wasn't.
I do feel that if he has lied about something so insignificant what on earth else is he possibly lying about?

Very bizarre lie as far as I can tell. Why would he lie over something as trivial as that. I can't make sense of it. Just doesn't add up!

My thoughts exactly quitelikely.
I just don't understand it unless there is a bigger lie that he is this as a smokescreen for?