He just will not go.

[BoldBlackCherry]

I have posted a couple of times before about dp and how much of a cunt he is.

He is nasty, controlling, emotionally abusive, a bully and makes my life miserable. I get absolutely nothing out of this relationship, no affection, no nice conversations nothing. I have asked him so many times to leave but he refuses, laughs at me and blackmails me with something I've done. I have had enough tonight. He was so nice to us last night then this morning he phoned me at 6am screaming down the phone that I was a lazy Bitch and I should get out my bed, he was halfway to work and why should I be sleeping when he was up? I hung up on him and switched my phone off. I switched it on 3 hours later to find several abusive voicemails and texts telling me what a shit mum I was, I can't be arsed looking after my kids and that I am a waste of space because I don't have a job.

We don't share a bed, we haven't for months, I sleep on the sofa so I can hear dd2 better during the night, she is 1 and still wakes a couple of times but goes straight back to sleep again when I go through. I will admit that I am a very heavy sleeper and I don't always hear her before he does (he is a light sleeper) and this has caused endless arguments about my ability to parent. He wants to get social services involved and thinks they will section me (no idea why) because I don't hear my child easily at night

He goes out to the pub 4/5 nights a week, he is hardly here but when he is he is vile. The way he speaks to me is disgusting, he laughs and sneers at anything I suggest and kicks off whenever I ask to go out somewhere without the kids.

He does absolutely nothing around the house. It's been 7 months since he last done a washing and the reason I know this is because it was the night I was in hospital and he didn't have a work uniform for the morning. I was recovering from surgery and he actually phoned me to shout at me for not washing his clothes before I went in

I have a supportive family and my friends can't stand him but how do I get him to actually leave the house? I'm so scared of being on my own and I don't know why because anything is better than being with him. I've spent 4 years of my life with him and I suppose it's a big step to being alone.

I've been in touch with woman's aid for a while they are fantastic and helping me a lot.

I asked him to leave at 4pm when he got in from work. He said if he goes he is taking dd2 with him and I will never see her again. I'm worried about what he will do and I can't phone the police because I'll be arrested when he tells them what I done a few months ago (the blackmail he's been using)

I just can't see a way out

Hello. Just like on your last thread, I recommend you come clean about whatever misdemeanour you have undertaken. Benefit fraud? The authorities are not engaged with taking people who confess to court. Sort out a repayment plan with them and then tell this fucking prick to get to fuck

You can keep asking the same question and hoping for different solutions, but it won't happen, love

Take the control back. This is terrible for your kids.

OP - I've read your other thread and on that you say it's fraud he's got over you.

Right, you mention your dad, how likely is it that if you spoke to your Dad, told him everything, he'd loan you the money to pay back this fraud? If so, then you can go to the police, come clean and at that point offer to pay it back straight away. That should mean you aren't taken to court, people who return stuff without being caught out aren't locked up and the key thrown away.

If your dad won't/can't loan you the money, still come clean, they will work out some sort of repayment plan.

Don't let this stop you getting rid of this abusive bully.

Take control away from him.

And get those locks changed!

I have PM'd you, OP. Please read it. You don't have to reply.

how are you doing today OP? Did he come back?

Hi, he hasn't come back yet but I've had shit loads of abuse, tears, threats and blackmail. He is being vile and i have no idea where he is.

My dad might be able to give me something towards paying back what I took but not enough iyswim and I'm scared they won't let me pay it back, they will just prosecute me instead.

He has got solid proof unfortunately but I may be able to prove I was bullied into doing it.

If you contact them first - he is left with nothing to blackmail you over.

Do it and get it over and done with. Did you get the locks changed yet?

Is the current abuse in the form of text messages? If so then you have something To show that points towards bullying.

Yes I'm starting to think I should just own up and take what's coming to me. I deserve to be punished, I broke the law.

He doesn't have a key, we haven't long moved In so I've still not got one cut for him but maybe changing the locks might be a good idea just in case.

I'll never get myself into this situation again

Mineofuselessinformation - I don't seem to have a pm from you

Show them the blackmailing texts.

Take this power away from him honestly.

You don't need to call the police on yourself. Contact the relevant department and say you made a mistake of taking benefits that you weren't entitled to and you want to set up a payment plan. They won't necessarily call the police.

You need a restraining order or something against him. He does indeed sound vile. Keep those voicemails as proof.

If its tax credits ring them now even. Or failing that you could tell a solicitor the full story.

OP how much was it? Roughly if you don't mind saying.

Yes, Quitelikely's plan is probably the best, if you contact the people you took it from and talk about making a mistake, they are highly unlikely to bother getting the police involved - if you are offering to find a way to repay it, be it some in a lump sum and the rest in a payment plan, they are more likely to want to just get that sorted that way.

I'd not tell your ExP you've admitted to it either , let him think he's got something over on you.

Come clean. Otherwise this will keep you awake at night forever and he is will have a hold on you forever. Can you give any indication? Pm me if tou want I had an ' incident' myself. I might be able to help I might not. I understand you may not wish to share.

Yes, if its benefit fraud, ring and admit, perhaps using the term 'mistake' and offer to pay it back. They might fine you but I doubt you'll be prosecuted (unless you're talking tens of thousands).

If there are reasons you did it you can tell them, did your ex d courage you to do it? Was it of your own accord?

I did pm you. Its not a walk in the park but its not the end of the world either. Its 100 percent better than what you are going through now.

OP if it's benefit fraud and he is living with you, he is as guilty as you are. I looked into this when Twatty ex wanted me to keep claiming as a single person after he moved in with me. Even though he didn't sign anything he'd still have been implicated.

Absolutely what people here are saying! Confess and sort "it" out but mostly lock him out as of now and phone police maybe on 101 to ask for advice? They may put you through to DV or whatever. I haven't read your other threads but it's clear to me that this is a terrifying and vile situation that must end. Be strong like your nickname!

"Yes I'm starting to think I should just own up and take what's coming to me. I deserve to be punished, I broke the law. "

There is such a thing as being coerced (forced) into committing a crime. If you talk to someone about what's happened and explain the circumstances then any power to blackmail he has over you vanishes. If we're talking punishment it's better to have to make amends to an authority who will deal with it clinically and move on rather than a vindictive bully who will hold it over you as a threat for years and years.

In the meantime, next time he's out of the house and when you judge it safe to do so, refuse him re-entry. Contact the police non-emergency number 101 in advance so that they can respond if he gets aggressive. Have a friend be with you perhaps. Get the locks changed etc.

Good luck